bury me in this dress

this has been a very very very tiring day. fuck! i was once again reminded why i left that fucking work. the work itself is good but the people in the company aren’t the best people to be around with if i want to have a healthy self esteem, maintain a higher than average IQ, and the will to continue living. god! i will be so glad when this is over but as i’ve said, i really need the extra money. but i still want to strangle some of the people there. i don’t want to discuss this anymore. at least in this entry.

i want to go to the Labyrinth of Jareth Fantasy Masquerade but it is impossible because 1) i wouldn’t have anything appropriate to wear, 2) the ticket is expensive, 3) i would feel out of place since i don’t know anyone who’s going, 4) i am not in LA, and 5) i am not even in the US. it looks really interesting though. i love the film Labyrinth and I absolutely love Jareth that I even want to develop my psychic ability just to see if there is really a goblin king. i bet that masquerade would feel so magical. i am envious of everyone who’s going!

i hate working for the networks. i told myself i would never work for either ABS-CBN or GMA but, starting tomorrow, i’m back. i need the extra money and it’s only temporary. like, for just a month. but i am starting to feel the old dread again. i can feel it in my stomach and my chest. i haven’t felt that for a long time and i didn’t expect to feel it again at least this soon. i may have committed myself to jumping off a cliff by taking the job. mother is happy about it though. she thinks this is a good thing for me. she believes that editing is my most fulfilling job. i wish she were right but the most fulfilling job i’ve ever had was when i worked as a PA for a no-budget straight-to-video film called ‘Intermedio’. i loved it because it was an eye-opener. a glimpse into how Hollywood works. Very unlike the shitty Philippine cinema we have here. I didn’t even get paid for that gig because i was supposed to be an intern or something. I want to work in Hollywood again but I’m back in the Philippines. And I don’t have enough experience to compete with the other Hollywood hopefuls. US indie films would be nice too actually but I don’t think indie productions hire non US citizens.

I’ve digressed and I’m a bit keyed up on sleeping pills. Please excuse me.