fear the networks
i hate working for the networks. i told myself i would never work for either ABS-CBN or GMA but, starting tomorrow, i’m back. i need the extra money and it’s only temporary. like, for just a month. but i am starting to feel the old dread again. i can feel it in my stomach and my chest. i haven’t felt that for a long time and i didn’t expect to feel it again at least this soon. i may have committed myself to jumping off a cliff by taking the job. mother is happy about it though. she thinks this is a good thing for me. she believes that editing is my most fulfilling job. i wish she were right but the most fulfilling job i’ve ever had was when i worked as a PA for a no-budget straight-to-video film called ‘Intermedio’. i loved it because it was an eye-opener. a glimpse into how Hollywood works. Very unlike the shitty Philippine cinema we have here. I didn’t even get paid for that gig because i was supposed to be an intern or something. I want to work in Hollywood again but I’m back in the Philippines. And I don’t have enough experience to compete with the other Hollywood hopefuls. US indie films would be nice too actually but I don’t think indie productions hire non US citizens.
I’ve digressed and I’m a bit keyed up on sleeping pills. Please excuse me.
