bury me in this dress

Ack. I still haven’t posted about my Thailand experience. I will after this entry…

I bought myself an ipod just a few hours ago. I told myself that I wouldn’t buy one since it’s just so expensive but I succumbed to it. At first I was thinking of buying a new cellphone but it’s really impractical. I already have a good phone, too big for my taste, but at least it works, it has a good camera and even plays mp3s as ringtone. I also thought about buying a PSP (which I said I will buy rather than an mp3 player) but it’s too big to take along. There’s also no warranty here. The thing I really wanted to buy was my friend’s imac. She was only selling it for 15k pesos but she changed her mind and it’s not for sale anymore. So I bought this since I didn’t want to always lug around my portable CD player and bundles of CDs. Plus, the player keeps on running out of batteries. Ah I am rationalizing things but this iPod (the 20 GB one) looks really nice. Quite heavy but I think this is a better buy than the 4GB mini iPod. Oh, I used the money I was able to save up from the Thailand trip. I wasn’t able to shop much there since the clothes are too small for me. I really hope this iPod is worth the money. I still feel bad for spending too much.

redesigning the template of WP is exhausting. i was going to write about thailand but i feel nauseous right now. i’ll try to do that tonight if i get to beat my sister to the computer. let me just say this though. I LOVE THE THAIS! okay. got to rest now.

Me and my family will be travelling to Thailand next week. We’ll stay in Pattaya for 4 days and Bangkok for 3. I’m excited eventhough we won’t be going to Koh Samui. I’ve never been to Thailand but from what I’ve read and heard, it’s really a beautiful place. I have doubts about Pattaya though. From the pictures on the net, the beach doesn’t look clean. And it’s not blue unlike the one in Koh Samui. I think the Philippine counterpart of Pattaya is the beaches in Batangas. Well, I’ll find out next week.

I’ve been in a terrible mood since last week. I think it was triggered when my mom said no to El Nido then Koh Samui. I felt so let down. Sure, that sounds really shallow but I’m emotionaly unstable so I can’t help it. I felt better after the weekend in Highlands but my temper still flares every so often. It’s not pretty but it’s a struggle to control.

Sometimes I wish I don’t have depression. This condition really sucks and it’s totally draining emotionally and physically. I wonder how it would feel like if I never had this. I bet my life would be totally different and I would be more sociable and pleasant. But I have no basis for comparison since I’ve had this since forever. Actually I am not sure if this is JUST depression. I’ve never been tested by a psychologist. I was just diagnosed as a depressive after a nervous breakdown and that was done by a psychiatrist. I’ve been through several shrinks already but all they do is prescribe medications so I think they’re not getting the entire picture. I feel like I have borderline personality disorder and I think I’m a classic case for it. I really need to find myself a psychologist who could diagnose me properly. I also need psychotherapy but I don’t trust the therapists in the Philippines. I went to one before and she said I was shallow. WTF? I thought therapists are supposed to be supportive. That bitch celebrity therapist made me feel more awful about myself. After that session, I never went back to her and I think it’s a smart move.