bury me in this dress

Stolen from animae

1. Do you still know/talk to your first best friend? No

2. What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons? donate them to charity

3.What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school? whatever the older kids are listening to. They have control over the radio

4.What is the best thing about your current job? easy money once it gets going

5. Do you wish cell phone ettiquette was a required class upon purchasing one? No. It feels better to yell at rude users.

6. Are you against marriage? No.

7. Why? I don’t see any problems with it.

8. What’s the most fucked up food combination you’ve come up with that’s actually tasty? none. I’m a boring eater.

9. Have you been on a date in the past week? (or just slept with anyone?) NO

10. If yes… How did it go, if no, why not? Shut the fuck up!

11. Where are you going on your next vacation? Hopefully US. Need to buy new clothes, man.

12. Quote a song lyric, because I told you to! “I don’t want to get over you. I guess I could take my sleeping pills and sleep at will and not have to go through what I go through. I guess I should take my Prozac, right, and smile all night at somebody new. Somebody not too bright, but sweet and kind, who would try to get you off my mind, I could leave this agony behind, which is what I would do if I wanted to but I don;t want to get over you…”

13. Are most of the friends in your life new or old? old.

–> hey, what happened to #14?

15. Do you own any furniture from Ikea? No. No Ikea here methinks

16. Are you ashamed of having it? Not applicable

17. What do you wish someone would buy you? See my friggin wish list and add a brand new Powerbook G4 17 inch.

18. What do you think of hipsters? Hipsters??? Hipster jeans? WTF?

19. What are you wearing right now? white shorts, my black The Nightmare Before Christmas shirt

20. When is the last time you had mom’s home cookin’? Mom hardly cooks

21. Do you like your parents? parent. Yes. Most of the time.

—> no 22 either?

23. What state/country are you from? Philippines

24. Do you ever wish you were gay? Sometimes.

25. Tell us about the last conversation you had.
What for?

26. Where do you see yourself in one month? still exactly like this.

27. What is your favorite smell? my perfumes

28. Home Depot: pure evil or pure genius? It’s just a fucking hardware store

29. Do you consider yourself bi-polar? No. I’m just plain depressive

30. What is the time and the outside temperature at the moment? 3:39 am and 26 degrees Celsius

What a lame…whaddayacallthis…survey?

I just started on another book, actually it’s more of a collection of novels, by Murie Spark. I bought the 2 volumes of her novels from Cafe Juanita for a measly 504 pesos! It’s hard bound and in top quality. The first novel is “The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie”. I’ve only read a few pages but I’m liking it.

I missed reading books for fun! I stopped for er…personal reasons but I’m glad to have the reading mood again. Reading makes me smarter. It greases my brain cells. Playing around on the internet is fine but it’s not very intellectually stimulating. Reading also improves my grammar and spelling (It’s not grammer, you nitwit! It’s GRAMMAR!). Lastly, it exercises my imagination which is a necessary tool for me since my line of work is creatives.

Hmmm I guess this is another geek post but not techno geek. Geek nonetheless.

I only had 5 hours of sleep because I spent most of the night finishing an interesting book, “Running in Heels” by Anna Maxted. I thought it was a chick book at first, a light read, but it was pretty heavy stuff. Well heavy for me because I can relate to the main character (Natalie). Natalie has a hard time expressing her emotions. She isn’t a vocal person. She has a low self-esteem because her mother favors the other sibling and not her. She was close to her father but the bastard left them when she was young. Natalie works as a PR officer for GL Ballet so she basically does the write-ups. Anyway, Natalie had so many issues and the repression developed into an eating disorder, anorexia nervosa. That’s not the part which I can relate to because I’m obviously not anorexic. But like Natalie, I find it STILL hard to speak my mind out vocally.

That part of me doesn’t show when I write, especially here, but in person I tend to swallow my thoughts and just clam up. This is bad. Very bad because the emotions and thoughts just keep on building up inside of me then they manifest in weird ways like cutting, shivering, etc. I don’t know why I tend to do this but I suspect there’s a big part of me which wants me to become a people pleaser. I hate it when friends and even acquaintances suddenly develop a negative emotion for me. Especially friends but fuck, I should fucking stand up for myself and express my thoughts even if it ends up hurting the other person. But I don’t want to hurt people I care about. I don’t want them to hurt me too. But by trying not to hurt them I end up hurting myself. This really bites! I’m a fucking wuss!

I’m starting to become more vocal because of self-preservation. I can’t keep on torturing myself for the sake of niceties. I can’t anymore. It’s killing me. So as much as I want to be nice and all, I have to learn to love myself more and voice to friends, relatives, acquaintances or whoever about things they do/did which hurt me, I find annoying, bugs the hell out of me, etc. Fucking double-edged sword because that makes me feel guilty. Which is the lesser evil anyway??? GAAAAAAAAAH

Hmm. Nothing much to talk about except that I went to Glorietta with Louie last night and we had dinner at Heaven and Eggs (yum yum). The evening ended too abruptly for me. I think it’s because I went home late the night before when I was with Phoebe. Anyway, Phoebe and I are planning to watch a movie tomorrow night (Monday). We might catch the 7pm film at Cine Europa or just watch Sky High if it’s still showing. Whatever.

For those of you looking for a free blog that’s easy to configure, i.ph is offering free membership and from according to some pinoy tech blogs, their service is great.

Still feeling really fine…except that I’m feeling jittery and I don’t know why. I’m like a cat which got flipped then digs its claws on whatever she hit. Hmmm that analogy is kinda weird but I think you get the idea. I hate this jumpy feeling. I feel like I took so much caffeine but I didn’t.

Alrighty! I think the old dementia is back. I mean the happier one. I actually went out tonight. Well at first I was feeling lazy but Phoebe dangled the promise of free food so who can resist that, right? So I drove all the way to Quezon City to pick her up. Got lost a bit since QC and me don’t agree. Then when I got to her house, we headed to CPK for a late dinner. Lucky me since I still haven’t eaten supper that time. While eating, we played around with her ibook. I’ve been telling her to show it to me for ages and since she’s never tried using wifi, she brought it tonight and actually found a hot spot in the resto. Lucky! There were 2 signals, one from CPK and the other was from Salon Manila but that signal was weak. CPK’s signal sucks but it’s free so we can’t really complain. We don’t even know if they intentionally put a free signal there for the customers. After filling up on salad and pizza, we went next door to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (our favorite) and discovered that they have wifi there also. We played for a bit but her battery got drained so we just ended up talking till the coffee shop closed. It was really great! By 3:30 am, I drove her home. I drove along EDSA on the way home and saw a taxi tilted 75 degrees! I laughed out loud cos it was really a sight. I know it’s kinda mean but it doesn’t look like the taxi and driver were harmed. It was just suspended like “/_”. It hit one of those concrete barriers which I honestly think are more of a road hazzard than a way to control traffic. They should really get rid of those cos you don’t see them at night, especially when you’re driving quite fast. So that was how my night went. Quite fun so weeeee. To celebrate that, here’s a Full Frontal Friday entry. This idea is quite old but what the heck. That hotdog looks so obscene!

What a sick sick hotdog!!!

It turns out I was just being paranoid. Tsk. Sorry about that. Hopefully things would quiet down now since the matter has been fixed. I just feel quite stupid for thinking that.

I just found out that it’s super hard to find SD Rams now. Damn. I went to 8 stores and most of them don’t sell those anymore. The ones who did only have the generic ones and this Mac doesn’t agree with generics. I hope I won’t be stuck with 384MB forever. That’s ok if I’m going to use this as a personal computer but I’m planning to make a living out of this machine so that much RAM wouldn’t do. I swear, once I have enough money to buy a brand new machine, I’ll sell this and get a new one. Durrrr.

Almost all of the computer stores here only cater to PC users and they wouldn’t even accept my pretty mac to test RAMs. Good thing I was able to find 1 store which fixes PCs and Macs and they charge far less than Apple Center. So I brought my mac to them this afternoon because I wanted to upgrade, right? They tested generic RAMS with this so that’s how I found out that this Mac is picky. The tech guys were laughing at my desktop theme cos it’s so pink. I don’t care cos I think it rocks. Anyway, they’re going to look for the right RAM for this then they’ll call me as soon as they get one.

What the hell is fucking wrong with me?! I switch from extreme moods in a heartbeat. I woke up feeling really happy but an hour or two later, something bothered me so much and I was back to being miserable. Fuck! And now I’m discovering that I have this abandonment issue going on plus I am more paranoid than ever (I kinda hope this is unfounded). Shit! I swear it gets too much sometimes. But today’s episode isn’t as bad as last week’s when I thought I was going to have a breakdown. It’s still pretty bad though. I was crying for an hour or two. Blah blah blah. Fuck this. I don’t know if it’s normal to feel like this even when I’m taking medication. Or if the stupid drugs just aren’t working at all.

I don’t really know how tagging works but I stole this one from animae and assumed she tagged me cos I read the entry. Anyway, here are my answers.

1. I’m at my best in the early morning. — False. I’m dead during mornings. Hmmm maybe others can say that is my best time.
2. I start each day with a healthy breakfast. — FALSE . Healthy? No. And I don’t eat breakfast technically since I wake up in the afternoon
3. I’m always sure to get at least 7 hours of sleep each night.– True. Cos I’m a deadbeat who hates sleeping less than 8 hrs.
4. I enjoy my job.– False. What job?
5. I get along with most everyone. — True. I think. What do YOU think?
6. I’m looking forward to the new season of tv shows this year.– In Philippine TV, there are no seasons so False!
7. I make sure I take some time for myself every day. — True. Everyday is “myself” day.

Tag! You’re it. Just do what I did and assume that you’re tagged cos you read this entry.