bury me in this dress

I’m an emotional wreck right now. I had a serious panic attack this afternoon so I had to take some tranq again. I’m still feeling jittery but the anxiety has lessened. Kinda. My dream last night might have triggered this attack. It was pleasant but when I woke up, I analyzed my dream and remembered some real life events which were quite bad. It might also have been caused by my cousin Paul suddenly getting serious on me and advicing me about life and shit. I mean, this is Paul, crazy wacky cousin Paul, for crying out loud. I never had a single serious time with him my entire life and I was talking to him on YM this afternoon and showed him this blog. Then suddenly he was this sensitive, mature Paul, advicing me on how to cope with life and shit. I was like “This is fucking weird. I don’t think I can accept this.” The attack might have been caused by this stupid blog suddenly not allowing me to post. But I doubt that’s the reason though.

So I finally made an appointment with the therapist and it’s going to be on Friday. But I might have to change it for Thursday because I feel so fucked up.