bury me in this dress

It turns out I was just being paranoid. Tsk. Sorry about that. Hopefully things would quiet down now since the matter has been fixed. I just feel quite stupid for thinking that.

I just found out that it’s super hard to find SD Rams now. Damn. I went to 8 stores and most of them don’t sell those anymore. The ones who did only have the generic ones and this Mac doesn’t agree with generics. I hope I won’t be stuck with 384MB forever. That’s ok if I’m going to use this as a personal computer but I’m planning to make a living out of this machine so that much RAM wouldn’t do. I swear, once I have enough money to buy a brand new machine, I’ll sell this and get a new one. Durrrr.

Almost all of the computer stores here only cater to PC users and they wouldn’t even accept my pretty mac to test RAMs. Good thing I was able to find 1 store which fixes PCs and Macs and they charge far less than Apple Center. So I brought my mac to them this afternoon because I wanted to upgrade, right? They tested generic RAMS with this so that’s how I found out that this Mac is picky. The tech guys were laughing at my desktop theme cos it’s so pink. I don’t care cos I think it rocks. Anyway, they’re going to look for the right RAM for this then they’ll call me as soon as they get one.

What the hell is fucking wrong with me?! I switch from extreme moods in a heartbeat. I woke up feeling really happy but an hour or two later, something bothered me so much and I was back to being miserable. Fuck! And now I’m discovering that I have this abandonment issue going on plus I am more paranoid than ever (I kinda hope this is unfounded). Shit! I swear it gets too much sometimes. But today’s episode isn’t as bad as last week’s when I thought I was going to have a breakdown. It’s still pretty bad though. I was crying for an hour or two. Blah blah blah. Fuck this. I don’t know if it’s normal to feel like this even when I’m taking medication. Or if the stupid drugs just aren’t working at all.