put your feelings in a bottle and send them out to sea
oh damn damn damn damn damn!!!! i want to crawl under a rock. fucking friendster. now i couldn’t sleep and i needed to sedate myself with food plus tranq. i was quite a nervous eater earlier. i just kept on ramming food down my throat. ugh. but at least i feel less anxious now. but ugh still. fuck friendster.
i tried to fight my hunger but well it got the best of me. i was hungry. i was trying to sleep. i was nervous as well. so i got up, got breakfast (dinner?) then i’m okay. sorta. but while trying to argue with myself, sleeping vs. eating, i got to thinking about how i miss mom so much. she’s in cebu for a conference. she left last wednesday but will return this afternoon. but yeah, i was thinking that i couldn’t tell her how much i miss her. i just tell her that the dog misses her. and the thing is, i want to tell her that i missed her a lot when she gets back later but it’s very awkward. mom isn’t vocal about her feelings unless she gets really fed up. and i grew up in that environment where we don’t really voice out how we feel. that’s also how my mom was brought up. and i really don’t feel comfortable telling her how much i missed her even if i was as depressed as our dog because she’s away. *sigh* it’s just kinda sad and i guess that’s partly why i have all these psychological problems. blah blah. but that’s the environment i grew up in and i don’t think there would be any changes. i would just have to deal with that. besides, i would feel weird when mom becomes affectionate or something.
