bury me in this dress

The Irish lad isn’t the only one who upset me. I’m disappointed with my other friend as well. I told her about my party a month ago and up to the afternoon of November 26, she was planning to go. Then all of a sudden I received a text from her telling me if I still felt like celebrating? I was like “What the fuck?” So I replied and asked her what she meant. She said that she read in my blog that I’m sad so maybe I didn’t feel like having a party. I told her I still wanted one and that I reserved the place already. She said that it’s okay if I didn’t want her to go cos she wants me to feel comfortable and her mother is bugging her to go malling or something. I said that I want her to be there and that I’d be upset if she didn’t show up. After that, I didn’t get a message so I thought she would show up that night.

While we were eating, I texted some of my friends if they are still coming. I also sent the message to her but didn’t get a reply. After awhile, I called her cellphone but she didn’t pick it up. A few minutes later, she replied that she fell asleep. I was pissed off already but I didn’t want to ruin the night so I called her up and told her that it’s alright and told her to just rest. But I was really annoyed. I didn’t want to ruin everybody’s fun but I was quite hurt. It felt like an insult. She’s one of my best friends. She doesn’t like my other guests in the party and I have a feeling that’s the reason she didn’t come. I asked Phoebe if I’m being selfish when I told her that I’d be upset if she didn’t show up but Phoebe reassured me that I wasn’t.

I had that party because I wanted to be surrounded by people I love, people who are important to me. It was supposed to be a celebration of me still being alive after being suicidal a few months earlier. But look at me now, I am depressed all over again. I’m not suicidal but I just feel so drained. I’m just hoping that I won’t sink any deeper than this.

It’s been 4 days since the party and I haven’t heard anything from her. No text, no emails, no apologies. I’m pissed off and I hope she reads this and realize that she’s being selfish. What she did really hurt me. She said she would never leave me hanging again but she did just that and on my birthday too so that’s a double blow for me. It’s really getting harder to trust people nowadays.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 30th, 2005 at 9:38 pm and is filed under The Bell Jar. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.