bury me in this dress

I’ve been obsessing with vintage lingeries and I found a few online shops which also cater to BBWs. My favorite is Secrets in Lace. The store has a few items for bigger women and I especially love these

Another store is Crepe Suzette and this one caught my eye!

Also this one!

The last site is Cameo Intimates where I love some of their bras and garter belts.

It would really be better if I go to the US for awhile. I’d visit some friends plus I’ll save on shipping costs if I buy there directly. Since I couldn’t afford these undies, they’ll just be on my wish list. As always.

My Irish friend Justin sent me some mp3s last night. He’s a big Eels fan. The only Eels song I knew was Novocaine for the Soul until he sent me the mp3 of Beautiful Freak. Yo! Someone should sing that song to me and totally mean it. The lyric of the song goes:

You’re such a beautiful freak
I wish there were more just like you
You’re not like all of the others

And that is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak
That is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak

Some people think you have a problem
But that problem lies only with them
Just ’cause you are not like the others

But that is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak
Yeah that is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak

Too good for this world
But I hope you will stay
And I’ll be here to see that you don’t fade away

You’re such a beautiful freak
I bet you are flying inside
Dart down and then go for cover

And know that i
I love you
Beautiful freak,
You know that i
I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak

Thanks, Justin, for the mp3s.

My birthday party is coming up and I’m not too thrilled to be honest. I don’t know, maybe I’m just thinking of the expenses. I don’t want to cancel it either. Oh, I know. I don’t feel like there’s something to celebrate, even the fact that I am still alive. Bah. I guess the depression is kinda back. Boooooooooooo!

This is bad bad bad baaaaad. I’m feeling miserable again but it’s not because of stomach flu (BTW, I think it’s gone now). It’s because of you-know-who and the fact that I am in denial that HE IS JUST NOT INTO ME! Fuck! I really need to avoid band boys like they’re a plague. Which they are in a way. Worse than the black plague!

Coin Operated Boy
by The Dresden Dolls

coin operated boy
sitting on the shelf he is just a toy
but i turn him on and he comes to life
automatic joy
that is why i want a coin operated boy

made of plastic and elastic
he is rugged and long-lasting
who could ever ever ask for more
love without complications galore
many shapes and weights to choose from
i will never leave my bedroom
i will never cry at night again
wrap my arms around him and pretend….

coin operated boy
all the other real ones that i destroy
cannot hold a candle to my new boy and i’ll
never let him go and i’ll never be alone
not with my coin operated boy……

this bridge was written to make you feel smittener
with my sad picture of girl getting bitterer
can you extract me from my plastic fantasy
i didnt think so but im still convinceable
will you persist even after i bet you
a billion dollars that i’ll never love you
will you persist even after i kiss you
goodbye for the last time
will you keep on trying to prove it?
i’m dying to lose it…
i want it
i want you
i want a coin operated boy.

and if i had a star to wish on
for my life i cant imagine
any flesh and blood could be his match
i can even take him in the bath

coin operated boy
he may not be real experienced with girls
but i know he feels like a boy should feel
isnt that the point that is why i want a
coin operated boy
with his pretty coin operated voice
saying that he loves me that hes thinking of me
straight and to the point
that is why i want
a coin operated boy.

Yeah, I need a coin-operated boy. Anybody there knows one?

I went out tonight with Jenny and Eric. It was okay. Just gabbing all night until CBTL closed. Jenny treated me and of course, I couldn’t resist freebies. Mostly we talked about the last ad congress in Cebu. She was sent there and she said it was pretty neat. PDI hosted a raffle and they gave away trips to other countries as prizes. Hearing her describe the ad congress made me want to work for an ad agency just so I can go to next year’s congress. I want those prizes.

Had car troubles when I was leaving the place. My car wouldn’t start so good thing there was I saw a driver nearby. Also had to ask Jenny and Eric’s help to jump start the car. Grrr. I think the spark plug is busted. Or the battery got drained. This means I might not be able to go out tomorrow.

I made another impulse buy today. Well, not really impulse since I’ve been eyeing it last Saturday at Hobbes. But it’s ridiculously expensive and a bit useless. So anyway, I bought myself a Stuart Houghton Initial Mini Seal because it’s lovely. I guess this means I will now reply to some penpals I haven’t replied to since February. If anybody’s looking for a penpal, reply here with your address. I want to show off my initial seal.

mine looks like this except for the initial of course

I’m kinda pissed off right now. I checked to see if you-know-who read my message already and he did but still nothing from him. I mean, hey lad, you told me about your digestive tract problem so don’t keep me hanging. Jeez. I’m getting tired of this situation but he’s there (sorta) to divert my attention from someone else. Someone I’m trying hard not to get fixated on. No. Never again.

Damn I’m bored right now. I really should work on that business thing with Phoebe. At least that would make me go out of the house everyday. My other work, the freelance thingy, is going slow at the moment because I suck at marketing. Whatever. If you happen to know someone in need of audio-visual presentations or graphic works, contact me. I give good commissions to referrers. Hehehe.

I’ll be celebrating my birthday this Saturday but I toned down my initial plan. Last month, I was planning to invite a ton of people, even those I’m not close with. Well, I changed my mind and decided to invite less so it will be more intimate. I also only invited those who I really feel like celebrating with and who I’m thankful for since I am still alive. If I was successful with my suicide attempt a couple of months ago, well, of course there wouldn’t be any birthdays for me anymore. So yeah, if you got an invite that means you matter a lot to me. If not and if you actually feel insulted, maybe you should work on getting on my good side. I know I can be such a bitch sometimes.

I’m totally in love with the theme I downloaded for my new phone.

I just got home from a meeting with Phoebe. Of course we had to eat first before the actual meeting so we went to our favorite Chinese place. Yummy. Anyway, I bought myself a new phone yesterday. Got a Sony Ericsson K750i and it feels good to be using an SE phone. I think Nokia phones suck.We passed by Gilmore street on the way to the resto and I just had to stop and take photos of the Christmas lanterns for sale. Lovely. Just enjoy the pictures. I feel like my brain is mush right now.

I’m a fake. I’m a big hypocrite! Grrr. Okay. This has been bothering me for awhile…well ever since I received you-know-who’s message…but dammit! I know he just wanted to make me feel better and wants to say that he understands how having a stomach flu sucks but really, I didn’t want to read about uh…his “slight swelling in the digestive tract.” I should be really sympathetic but honestly, I find it a tad disgusting. Maybe if I actually know more about him I wouldn’t mind but the guy hardly reveals anything about himself and when he actually did, it’s about his innards. Too revealing I think. So yeah, I’m a hypocrite cos I write about really crass things in this blog like about my bowel movement (and even took a camera to a stall!) but dammit! I don’t even know his last name yet so I…I dunno how to describe what I’m feeling really…but AAAAAH. Don’t tell me I’ve finally met my match. He might actually be weirder than me. But if things work out somehow this will be a good story to tell our children (or total strangers). When asked how we knew this is fate, we’ll say that we both have digestrive tract problems and that was a sign that we’re compatible. And then we’ll have have incontinence at an early age! This, my readers, is destiny.

You have to humor me again but I really wanted to post this lyrics. It’s the bonus track from Le Fabuleux Destin d’Amelie Poulan. I’m really loving this track and I love Yann Tiersen. Blame this on the crazy dream I had which I would never narrate here.

It’s hard, hard not to sit on your hands
And bury your head in the sand
Hard not to make other plans
and claim that you’ve done all you can all along
And life must go on

It’s hard, hard to stand up for what’s right
And bring home the bacon each night
Hard not to break down and cry
When every idea that you’ve tried has been wrong
But you must carry on

It’s hard but you know it’s worth the fight
’cause you know you’ve got the truth on your side
When the accusations fly, hold tight
Don’t be afraid of what they’ll say
Who cares what cowards think, anyway
They will understand one day, one day

It’s hard, hard when you’re here all alone
And everyone else has gone home
Harder to know right from wrong
When all objectivity’s gone
And it’s gone
But you still carry on

’cause you, you are the only one left
And you’ve got to clean up this mess
You know you’ll end up like the rest
Bitter and twisted, unless
You stay strong and you carry on

It’s hard but you know it’s worth the fight
’cause you know you’ve got the truth on your side
When the accusations fly, hold tight
And don’t be afraid of what they’ll say
Who cares what cowards think, anyway
They will understand one day, one day.

This is my anthem now! Ha!

Everybody, welcome my new blog renter “the rock bitch.” She’s as bitchy as me so go click her banner and read her interesting entries! Now! Hehehe. Well not now, after you’ve read this entry you can :P

I just got back from my movie night with Phoebe. We watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. It was goooood. I think this is the best Harry Potter movie installment so far. The last one was so disappointing but this one made up for it. Although I have to say that I still prefer the book than the movie, at least this time around the director introduced new elements to the story. I won’t divulge them in case you haven’t seen it yet but let me just say that the movie is finally becoming more interesting. You should still read the book though. There’s nothing better than exercising your mind and imagination.

Phoebe and I watched it in Greenbelt. There are, I think, 6 theaters there and all of them were showing Harry Potter. But I guess so many people wanted to watch the film that when we bought the ticket at around 8 PM, the only movie time left was the one for 12:30 AM so we had to wait for so many hours. I kinda got bored waiting actually so it’s a really good thing that the film is worth the wait.

Reading this entry is not worth it though. Ugh so boring so go click on “the rock bitch” now.

I want a couple of Zubbles!!!