I’m 90% sure I’ll be travelling to the US this May. I’ll visit the bay area, socal, las vegas, and hawaii. I’ve already been to all those places but I need some suggestions with LA. I never had the chance to explore the good sights there even though I worked there for awhile so I want to know all the cool places to visit there including tourist-y places. Please comment here and give your suggestions. I heard about this place called the Farmer’s Market and The Grove but other than those two places, I don’t know other interesting sights in LA to go to.

Mae was inspired to do a tarot reading for me regarding my spirit guide. This came as a total surprise and I am really pleased. Here is her reading:

Query:  I’d like to connect with Karen’s spirit guide.
Deck:  Housewives Tarot

1)  2 of Cups (info on the spirit) - Your guide is someone that was very close to you.  Possibly a relative/ancestor.  On a side note, The Hermit also “jumped” out at me while meditating on your guide.  This really shows your quest for knowledge and openness in finding an answer/connection to your guide.

2) 3 of Swords (why are you with Karen) - Somewhere in your guide’s history, there was a clash and somehow your guide became disconnected.  She (for some reason I feel a really strong pull towards a “she”) feels that you are the way to get reconnected, possibly to your family?  She also wants to make sure that you don’t follow this same path.

3) King of Cups (what do you want Karen to know) - She sees your pain and your inward search.  She knows that you are feeling overwhelmed by emotions, but wants to reassure you that it’s okay.  Don’t stop yourself from exploring your emotions and being in this contemplative state.

4)  7 of Swords Rx (what actions does Karen need to take?) - Karen needs to learn to trust people.  Not everyone is out to hurt you.  This is a time to start being open again.

5) Eight of Wands (outcome) - It’s going to take a journey to get to where you want to be, but you have all the tools that you need.

Overall– Your spririt guide appears to be leading you towards a more peaceful state of mind.  She always wants to reassure you that no matter where you go she is watching over you.

I think the spirit guide is my grandmother. I never met her because she died before I was born so I couldn’t be too sure. This is very helpful and reassuring though. Thanks for the reading, Mae.

The heat is unbearable today that it’s hard to think straight. I regret going out this afternoon because it resulted to a terrible headache but I don’t regret the books I got. I went to the warehouse sale of Powerbooks and although most of the books are still expensive (only 20% off) the selections were great. Since I was able to buy some, of course that means I managed to get some money and I’m glad to say that I didn’t spend all my money. So okay, I got the following books: Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince, Alternative Beauty by Andrea Rains Waggener, The Mists of Avalon, The Satanic Verses, The Rise and Fall of a 10th Grade Social Climber, and The Little Engine That Could (which I got for free). There are lots of other good books which I wanted to buy but I have a limited budget. Actually I wasn’t able to browse everything there because it was just too hot in the warehouse that I lost patience, paid for what I got, then went home to nurse my headache. There were some nice tarot cards there too but I already have a good deck to learn with. The sale is extended up to April 1 so if I find myself with money again, I might go back.

I’m feeling so much better. Much much much better. I did a lot of research last night (like the post before this one), meditated, made contact with my Higher Self, and even picked up my tarot card again. I did a quick reading about the issues I’m currently facing and the tarot really helped me. Of course, I’m not sure if my readings were correct but I can only rely on my intuition. I still slept the whole day but at least when I woke up around 6PM, I was at peace with myself. I’m not saying that everything is fine and my quest for spirituality ends here. In fact, this is just a start. I still have emotional baggages I need to deal with. I guess there is also a problem with my weight because my Higher Self told me she wants me to take care of myself and lose a lot of weight. So there’s that and I still haven’t set up an appointment with my therapist. I have to ask mother about this and she will ask me why I want to see my therapist again. Maybe I’ll just tell her that I’m depressed that’s why I need to see the therapist. The real reason I want to have sessions is to release my emotional baggage.

My intuition is sharper now. Around 7:30 PM, I went online and decided to open Skype. I saw Louie there and called her up. Turns out that she texted me earlier and was asking if we could talk on Skype. My cellphone was in my mother’s room so I didn’t know that I received a text message. What we talked about is personal so I couldn’t discuss it in detail here. The thing is, I was able to give her good advice because of my new discoveries. I told her to meditate and talk to all her body parts whenever she’s becoming anxious. I taught her a basic meditation technique and I think it worked.

I’ll pick up my tarot again tonight. I only have one deck but it’s a good one. I think this is 7 years old already. I was eyeing the Voyager Tarot on the net when I was still in college. So when my aunt went to US for a short trip, I asked her to buy one for me which I’ll pay back when she returns. She had a hard time looking for it but she was able to get one eventually. When she got back here, she gave the tarot to me as a gift which is really nice of her. I still have a lot to learn about tarot reading but I’m starting there already. At least I already have a deck.

BTW, the Voyager Tarot website offers free card a day. I tried it just now and got the this. I think the card is very appropriate.

Since I’m trying to find my spirituality again, I’ve been doing some research. One I found is this great article on how to get rid of emotional baggage which is what I really need in the first place. So this is my first step. It will be a lengthy process and reading this made me decide to work things out with my therapist once again because I can’t do this on my own. I’m sharing this article in case somebody with emotional baggage reads this and they want some help about it.

Most emotional baggage begins with the conditional love our parents give us. We carry it through all of our relationships and take it to the grave unless we deal with it and resolve it.

In resolving emotional baggage, there are two major factors to contend with: 1) pain; 2) the belief you have no control over the baggage, that it controls you. If you’re willing to deal with pain and take control of your life it’s just a matter of time before you’ve completely resolved the problem and can enjoy the benefits of unconditional love in a relationship. No one resolves it by accident. It’s a painful journey each person must take in their own time at their own pace. It separates the men from the boys and the women from the girls. People who have made this journey successfully can easily spot other people who have made it and they are naturally attracted to each other. They rarely get involved with someone for a serious relationship who hasn’t made the journey because they don’t want to ‘baby sit’ for someone who, for whatever reason, won’t deal with their past.

So how do you rid yourself of emotional baggage? I’ve yet to find a method of dealing with emotional baggage that doesn’t entail pain. But for those of us who have walked down that road before (including me), we realize it’s the kind of pain you go through when you have a tooth pulled - yes, it hurts, but it solving a problem, not creating one. And knowing that helps to deal with the pain because you know you’re getting better. Because of lack of space I can’t give you a complete explanation but I can give you the blue print and a road map for taking the next steps.

Emotional baggage is connected to these five areas: 1) your level of self respect; 2) your self image; 3) your belief system; 4) your ability to deal with pain; and 5) whether you’re in ‘victim mode’ or not.

Not an easy task but definitely possible for someone who is truly fed up with letting their baggage rule their life. Here’s what I suggest. First, identify the problem. Write it down on a piece of paper so you can look at it clearly and logically. What really happened? Why did that hurt you? Has this problem occurred in past relationships? How long has this problem been going on? Second, if you sit and blame the other person for doing this to you, you will feel like a victim, learn nothing and be doomed to repeat it indefinitely. Rather, accept responsibility for what happened. Say, “I allowed you to do this to me and I won’t allow you to do that anymore.” Will these changes happen overnight? No. There are no quick fixes for people who have been emotionally abused. You’ll be tested in every new relationship you enter and probably have to walk away from several relationships you’re in now. But it’s well worth it. People with a healthy self respect refuse to be abused on any level so they simply walk away the moment someone tries to abuse them. They also refuse to abuse other people.

How do you know when the pain is gone? Simple: it doesn’t hurt anymore. Just like when you fall down and scrape your knee: how do you know when it’s healed? It doesn’t hurt anymore and you move on a wiser person. Use this basic blueprint and road map to do research in your local bookstore or library. The time you invest in resolving emotional baggage will make you and the person of your choice happy beyond your wildest dreams.

Good luck and God Bless.

Bryan Redfield
bryan@theredfieldsystem.com
http://www.theredfieldsystem.com

I actually had a normal day today. Although I did sleep through most of it, I still went out with mom. We had dinner and did a bit of shopping (her, not me). Mom finally brought a replacement for the Laura Mercier tweezer she broke so I’m glad that I have a good tweezer again (I highly recommend this product! I swear it’s so good). I also picked up my Rustan’s Frequent Shopper Card which I’ve been neglecting to do. I told mom to buy a wireless lan card for our old laptop so she can use it since I installed wifi at home. She agreed but unfortunately our laptop is really old and it doesn’t meet the specs requirement of the wifi cards.

Ours is a Sony Viao notebook we bought back in the late 90’s if I remember correctly. It’s lovely and very expensive back then. We didn’t buy it for ourselves. My stepdad asked us to buy one for him as a favor but when we got back, we found out he was able to buy one so we got stuck with it. So that’s our only laptop and mom isn’t computer savvy so she doesn’t see the need and importance of upgrading or buying a better one. I told my mom that if I won’t go to the US with her, I’ll use the money to buy my own laptop. My sister said she’ll do that too. Mom is rich but my sister and I aren’t. Unfortunately, we’re the ones who want gadgets but don’t have the money for them. Sometimes I wish I have a parent who spoils us. Like someone who gives us huge allowance or at least buys us our own computer instead of having to share. But that’s not how my mother works.

I’m envious of my cousin. Now this guy is loaded. He just bought himself a Treo and a new mac mini. He also bought wireless keyboard and wireless mouse for it. He’s an only son so he can get away with buying such things and his family is richer than mine. Good thing my cousin is a good guy. Other rich brats are super jerks. Anyway, I just sometimes wish that I were in his shoes. Never having monetary problems. Always having the option to travel to wherever. Etc etc etc. I know, this is shallow. This is so material but I figure that since I’m already miserable most of the time, it would be better to have lots of material things and be miserable rather than be poor and miserable at the same time.

I just retook the Psi Q test and here are the results:

I got 9 for Telekinesis, Precognition, and Channeling. Went down a notch on Psychokinesis. I got a high score on Channeling so how come I still couldn’t feel the presence of spirits and other entities? Am I to self-absorbed? Ugh.

I was listening to my Dick Sutphen Psychic Development Course CD a few nights ago and he says there that I have to get rid of fear-based emotions (insecurity, greed, anger, envy, etc.) first because those emotions lower my vibrational rate. Damnit! How do I get rid of them? Any suggestions? Mae? I really want to develop my psychic ability and become spiritual.

Reasons to be cheerful
People having a worse month than you
1. Indian farmer D Jaggalah died after drinking bootleg booze. Villagers at his cremation raised a glass to toast their friend, but used the same batch of alcohol that killed Jaggalah. Ten funeral goers were poisoned. And died.

2. Sam McGilton, a 72 year-old West Virginia man was arrested while being caught masturbating in a library, while wearing a flowery dress, red stilettos and a bouffant woman’s wig.
3. Dog Condoms Inc had to recall their product due to “an unacceptable failure rate resulting in canine pregnancies.” Plus the meat-scented rubbers were proving too tempting, and proving to be a choking hazard.

4. Richard Parker from Felixstowe got drunk in his local pub, undressed, urinated in the pocket of the pool table, stuck a pool ball between his arse cheeks, walked through the pub and deposited it in a drip tray at the bar. Richard was sentenced to 28 days in prison.

Source: Popbitch

Feeling better right now. Just right now. My feelings change so fast that I can’t definitely pinpoint how I am if somebody asks me. This morning was so bad. I was literally shaking and had to take Xanor for anxiety. That didn’t help so now there are 3 lines on skin. That didn’t help as well. *sigh* I know I know I know I should see my therapist but I don’t want to. I hate that he charges fucking too much and he’s sometimes innatentive. I don’t pay for it. Mom does and this fact just makes me feel guiltier. Why the fuck am I not normal and know how to deal with this? How come there are times such as this that I easily crumble and feel so fucking helpless that all I can do is lie in bed. I can’t even do anything creative. Isn’t that the guage to know if a person is really depressed? Depressive people are creative but when feelings are too strong and they feel paralyzed, that’s true depression. Ugh. I bet my entries these days don’t even make sense anymore. That’s how scattered my mind is lately.