I don't need this guilt
I’m still upset over what happened last night. I feel guilty. I really really don’t want to be a burden to mom but the depression couldn’t be helped. I’ve had depression ever since I was a kid, I guess around the age of 10 or 11. It was only during college that a psychiatrist was able to diagnose me as clinically depressed when I had an awful anxiety attack. I wish I’m normal. I wish I’m functional. Not like this zombie or droid. I have an appointment with my therapist Wednesday next week. That’s the earliest he can see me. Crap. And it’s at 9 PM. I don’t think an hour session is sufficient to cover what happened to me over the past few months. Hopefully the session will be fruitful but if it isn’t, I will look for another therapist.
I’ve never visited your blog before, but I wanted to comment. I don’t go out much either, I suffer from mild depression but my main problem is Aspergers Disorder.
I say, never feel guilty for what you are – only what you try to be. If you try to be better, you have no need for guilt.
=)
-Sera
Seraphim,
I’ve never heard of Aspergers Disorder but I will look into it after replying. I feel like I’m not trying enough, that’s why I’m feeling guilty
I don’t believe in the concept of “not trying enough.” We do what we can. And sometimes, even with all the support in the world, we still can’t “get over it,” because as you know, that’s not the answer. I know now that it’s not about “getting better” it’s about “making it manageable”. And some days, it’s just not manageable and our family/friends just have to accept that.
mae,
you’re right. my mom just doesn’t get it. she thinks i’m a loafer and that i’m not trying to be better. i don’t know how to make her understand. she reasons that she knows depression because she had it before but hers is different than mine. I told her that already. I dont know if she buys it though.