Life Goes On
It was another day of tears but at least it wasn’t as bad as last night. I’m still very much hurt and doubts are zig-zagging inside my brain. Life goes on, right?
I had a good full body massage hours ago. I needed one because I was so stressed out and tense. The massage did me good and I slept soundly afterwards. I got woken up by loud cat meows so I had to check what was going on. Nothing was wrong but I couldn’t go back to sleep. Hence, here I am.
Mother and I are talking to each other again. Sort of. She started talking to me. She told me to arrange global roaming for our mobile phones and I said I will. No sorries from both parties. No hugs. No anything. That’s how it is in our household. Is this normal with other families? Do tell me cos I really want to know.
The new anti-depressants aren’t working. Well maybe they are but I don’t see much difference. *sigh* Another round of new drugs.
May 17th, 2006 at 1:50 am
The last *big* argument my mother and I had, we had a yelling match in the middle of an amusement park about 2 minutes after arriving there. We left immediately. Then stopped talking to each other for about 6 months. I don’t know how it was that we started to talk to each other again. We just did. Now, we don’t mention the “incident;” it’s like it never happened. I wonder if there’s something about mother/daughter relationships that make it function this way. I hope things start to get better for you.
Reply to animae
May 17th, 2006 at 7:29 pm
i’m honestly aloof towards my mom because everytime she calls from the states, the only thing i hear from her is for me to join her there.
my relationship with my dad is a different story. i’m close to my dad despite my obvious gayness. we usually argue about money, but most of the time we are cool.
Reply to empress maruja
May 17th, 2006 at 7:55 pm
Mae,
You’re lucky that you don’t live with your mother. If I have enough finances, I want to move out.
Reply to dementia
May 17th, 2006 at 7:56 pm
maruja,
i don’t have a dad. mom kicked him out when I was only 1. maybe things would have been better if he’s around.
Reply to dementia
May 18th, 2006 at 11:48 pm
karen, you are not alone! its the same thing at our house.
no sorries, basta start talking na. first few weeks, no mention of the incident, siguro after several months pa before we can joke about what happened. for major fights talaga ha.
dito applicable ang role playing hehehe
Reply to april
May 20th, 2006 at 12:05 pm
hi,
i just wrote this for myself, i thought you may like it too… or hate it…
“my need to be the best hurts me,
my need to be the best hurts others
my need to be the best is unattainable, unreachable, unrealistic.
but also:
I am worthy of this life
As I am a child of the Universe.
No less than the trees, and the stars.
No less than you or anyone else.
I have the right to be here.
I deserve to be happy, here, now, just as I am.
As you do too.
I give myself permisson to be happy, to relax
I let others be responsible for what they feel and do.
I choose to approve of myself,
and accept that I am doing my very best.”
a wise buddist once said that the intent to love is not enough - that understanding is also needed. please forgive me if i misunderstood you.
Reply to friend
May 21st, 2006 at 2:30 am
friend,
I think what you wrote is beautiful. It really moved me to tears. Thank you so much.
Reply to dementia