bury me in this dress

It was another day of tears but at least it wasn’t as bad as last night. I’m still very much hurt and doubts are zig-zagging inside my brain. Life goes on, right?

I had a good full body massage hours ago. I needed one because I was so stressed out and tense. The massage did me good and I slept soundly afterwards. I got woken up by loud cat meows so I had to check what was going on. Nothing was wrong but I couldn’t go back to sleep. Hence, here I am.

Mother and I are talking to each other again. Sort of. She started talking to me. She told me to arrange global roaming for our mobile phones and I said I will. No sorries from both parties. No hugs. No anything. That’s how it is in our household. Is this normal with other families? Do tell me cos I really want to know.

The new anti-depressants aren’t working. Well maybe they are but I don’t see much difference. *sigh* Another round of new drugs.

Out with old, in with the new. I changed the tracks in my radio blog! Current playlist includes the ff:

Ataraxia - La lica ai apollo

Bel Canto - Intravenous

Black Tape for a Blue Girl - Pandora’s Box

The Dresden Dolls - Delilah

Current 93 - A Gothic Love Song

Stars - Reunion

The new shoutbox has been running for 2 days and still no spam so that’s really good. The only drawback to the hack is that human commenters wouldn’t be able to post URLs. Ah well, that doesn’t matter. As long as it’s spam free I will use it. Another addition to this blog is the newly installed lightbox plugin. I’m not sure how it really works but when you click on an image, it comes with a nice pop-up or whatever it’s called.

I went to a gathering last night. Twas really really boring but at least the food was good. Too bad my stupid sister ruined everybody’s day. I was so mad I almost drove the car off the road. I shouldn’t even be driving since I’m still adjusting to my new anti-depressant. She’s just so spoiled and impossible sometimes. She should really be taught a lesson but she doesn’t listen to me or our mom. Goddamn her! Now I’m all worked up again. Fuck

Another eventful day for me. I actually went out again, this time to a gig in Gweilos, Libis. It’s a tribute to the label 4AD since it’s their anniversary. Jenny went with me and we met at around 9. We went inside the place an hour later but the fucking thing started really late. Like 11 pm so that was annoying. We just wasted time taking pictures of one another. Dammit I’m running out of things to wear.

The first band was…forgot the name. Some indiepop band which I didn’t like at all. I felt like I was being tortured while listening to them. I didn’t like the singer’s voice at all although the rest of the band was okay.

The next band was Soft Pillow Kisses which is much better. I’m friends with Allan, one of the members, but I’m not being biased. I think they played 6 songs.

The third band was Skies of Ember. I’m a fan and they are my friends. I think they’re really great. Again, I don’t think I’m being biased. If you don’t believe me, check out their myspace profile.

Hmm. The last band was Slavedrum. I didn’t care much for the band before but now I’m kind of a fan. They played a really good set tonight. I think the band has a myspace profile as well but…just search for them if you want.

I don’t know why only 4 bands played. There were a lot of bands in the line-up. I suppose they didn’t show up. Too bad. Anyway, some copies of 1980 Forward (a 4AD compilation) were given away to people who were able to answer some 4AD-related question. I was too shy to participate but I knew the answers. Nevertheless, Jerome gave me a copy of the CD. I don’t know why. I guess he felt sorry for me since I was alone by that time. Or maybe he knew that I know the answers to the questions. Whatever. I’m happy to get the CD.

The gig ended before 2am. My head still hurts but I felt like posting about it. There’s supposed to be another gig this Saturday but I doubt if I will go. I’ll see if I can drag a friend with me cos I don’t want to go alone.

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In other news, Max Thrane commented in this blog about a way to fight wordspew/shoutbox spam. I haven’t tried it yet but I just want to share this to those who are so fucking tired of spam like I am. Just go to this page and follow his intructions.

Today was heavenly! I did a couple of errands early afternoon then asked my cousin if he wanted to go to a spa since we were talking about it last night. He agreed since it’s been a long time since he’s been to one. He picked me up around 4 pm then we headed to The Spa in Libis. After buying massage gift certificates for our moms (it’s mother’s day this 14th), we opted for the Coffee Rub package. That includes ground coffee bean body scrub, Swedish massage, and use of the sauna, steam room, and the hot and cold lap pools. I think the whole thing lasted for 2.5 hours and eventhough it was quite pricey, it was worth it. And hey, my shrink even suggested that I treat myself to a spa so this is justified! It was my first time in the place and I really loved the wet area and the massage room. After pampering ourselves, we had dinner at Chili’s (or is it Chilis?) and my cousin’s friend Mike followed us there. We ate a lot but that’s not surprising.

Up to now I still smell like coffee. Smells good but a bit weird. Here are some pictures of The Spa which I took with my camera phone.

I had a strange dream last night. In it, I went to a supermarket but as I was going in, I saw a free arcade for mentally handicapped children. Suddenly I had a young son and I took him to one of the games and left him there. As I was leaving, I saw the other retarded kids playing games and that made me cry. I was sobbing as I went inside the grocery. Then mom woke me up.

I wasn’t crying in real life but I felt exhausted. I still wanted to sleep but mom wants me to freshen up because we had to go to a family dinner. I don’t think this dream means anything. Maybe it’s the new drug that my shrink prescribed.

Tonight was the “bon voyage” dinner for my uncle and his family. I thought it would be a sad night but we hardly mentioned anything about the trip. I guess in the back of everyone’s minds is the sadness or pain because they’ll be leaving for good. Maybe it’s not only me who doesn’t like to deal head first with saddening situations. Maybe it’s a family thing. Still, we had a good time. We separated into 2 groups: group one being the parents and group two, the kids. In our group, the latter one, we just talked about business, high school and college experiences, celebrity gossip, etc. Really light stuff so there were times when we were laughing a lot. I heard laughter from the other group so I don’t think they dwelt on anything serious.

I’ll really miss my uncle when he leaves. In a way, he’s my father figure because he took care of me since I was a kid. This is according to mom. My uncle never fails to make the family laugh because of this antiks. Will the fun stop when he’s gone? I’m afraid it will :(

Had a late start to the day but had a nice time hanging out with Jenny at the new Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf along Emerald Avenue. Nice place since it’s situated in a park. For those who are new to this blog, my friends and I are Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (CBTL) addicts. My favorite is The Ultimate Mocha (sans whipped cream) and, of course, I ordered it tonight. We just spent hours talking about stuff although I’m not sure if I was a kill-joy since I was feeling depressed earlier. I think our conversation was fine though. Jenny gave me a CBTL discount card but it can only be used in their Tomas Morato branch. Who cares? At least the card does give discounts.

Tomorrow (Sunday), there will be a gathering with relatives for a despedida dinner for my Tito Manok and his family. Tito Freddy is called Tito Manok because pinaglihi sya sa manok. He’s the craziest among my mom’s siblings and he’s always fun to be with. I have a feeling that the despedida will be a sad one because he’ll be leaving the country for good. Sad sad sad. We will miss him so much.

I dreamt of one of my college crushes last night. I don’t know where that came from. I don’t even think about him anymore but back then, I was so crazy over him. It was an unrequited love though. Very. We suspect that he’s gay and that’s not because he never reciprocated. Anyway, the dream was very nice and it lifted my mood. I want to check out friendster if he’s there but users can tell who checked out their profile, right? I don’t want to get caught. But I still wonder how he is like these days. Google him perhaps?