bury me in this dress

I’ve been a blogger for more than 6 years now and I never really earned anything from doing it. Well not exactly. I got Mike to donate me a couple of dollars. Aside from that, nadda. Not a single cent. The Adsense on my sidebar is useless because nobody ever clicked on it. My Amazon Associate account never brought me revenue. And my textlink ad for RSS never got approved. With the advent of problogging and probloggers, the way I blog is probably as extinct as the Dodo bird. I can only drool as increasing number of bloggers in the interwebs receive paychecks or products for review. Hell, that bastard Darren Rowse who owns problogging.net was able to buy a house because of blogging. I wouldn’t even be able to buy a pack of chewing gum for my blog. I am hoping that would change in the future but as for now, I think I have enough credentials to give tips on how not to earn money from blogging.

1. Alienate your audience. Talk about yourself as much as possible and don’t forget to mention your elite tastes in music, film, literature, art, and the likes. Believe that you are better than most of humanity.
2. Make your posts non work-friendly. Display naked or half-naked photos. Make use of keywords such as porn, sex, bestiality, masturbation, incest and other sexual deviations you can think of.
3. Graphics overload. Never resize your graphics nor make thumbnails. Graphics should be 300 pixels or more. By doing so, users on dial-up won’t be able to access your blog.
4. Horizontal scrolling is your friend.
5. Offend. Cover taboo topics and constantly criticize religious groups, race, advocacies, etc. For best effect, contradict yourself often. You don’t want to create a following.
6. Hide your ads. Ads should not be easily seen.
7. Turn off commenting. This makes the readers feel unwelcome. Another alternative is to password protect entries.
8. Never promote your blog. It’s as if your blog doesn’t exist at all.
9. Do not link. This makes your blog self-contained. If someone links to your blog, do not link back. Too much links in posts can be effective too.
10. Sprinkle expletives often. Readers will surely love you for it.

My friend decided to sell her iBook because she’s planning to get a brand new Macbook so it’s for sure that I’m getting it. She said she won’t be bringing it to the US so I can get it before she leaves on the 15th. I can’t wait! It’s only 13 inches so it’s small and lightweight and I can take it anywhere, just perfect since I’m such a net addict. I don’t know the specs of her iBook but she took really good care of it so it’s in good condition. What’s really surprising is I have enough money to pay for it. Thank goodness for early 13th month and birthday money.