bury me in this dress

Tears ran abound this day. And I still feel like crying but I’m just so tired. Emotionally. Physically I am drained.

I went to my shrink this afternoon and for the first time since I started seeing him, I went over the 1 hour schedule. I cried during our discussions. I have too many issues. Issues with myself, my mother, former friends, etc. etc. etc. It was a good session though and I felt somehow better after it. He upped my dosage of Efexor and also told me to take Xanor at night. I will see him again after two weeks.

I hope Efexor is still the drug for me. I don’t want to change medication anymore. I’m tired of looking for the correct medicine for me. Maybe my current depression is hormonal and were triggered by circumstances. But Efexor made me fine. I want it to make me feel normal again.

My sixth sense is working well. When I got home around 6 PM, I know that mom would talk to me about serious matters. So I said a quick prayer to the Goddess and asked her help that whatever the result of the talk is, it wouldn’t make me feel suicidal again.

Around 10 PM while I was watching Project Runway, it happened. Mom got mad at me because of my sleeping habit. Well that was the start. She also talked about my sorry life, her sorry life because of her ungrateful children, my job, our company, etc. I won’t go into details. I was crying most the time. I tried to make her see my point and I hope it got to her. She also made me see her point and I know where she’s coming from. I understand her frustrations. But what can I do? I’m depressed. I feel fragile. And I know that I should pursue what I want, not what she wants since this is my life after all.

I have taken my Xanor for tonight and I hope it somehow calms my mind and heart. Goddess help me.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 28th, 2007 at 11:45 am and is filed under The Bell Jar. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.