Tough Exterior
I consider the time I am with my relatives as the time I’m most myself. Although I don’t spill out my guts to them, tell them my deepest and darkest secrets, nor use expletives in front of them, I still feel like I’m my truest self. No pretentions, no masks, just plain me. Tonight, was my sister and me’s birthday blowout. We invited our close relatives to a buffet dinner at Crowne Plaza Hotel. Some weren’t able to make it and even though that disappointed me, the relatives who were there made up for the others’ absences. I had a good time. We talked about different topics ranging from stock exchange, Rene Saguisag, Hong Kong, Jimmy Kimmel thinking that Filipinos don’t speak/write English, the possibility that my absent cousin might be gay, etc. That’s how we are when we get together.
So when I am with them, my defenses are down. I don’t have to be tough when I’m with them. When I went to the restroom, a young girl and her little sister smirked when they saw me. I ignored them. No. I tried to ignore them but their smirk affected me. I know they were smirking because I’m fat and it hurt. A lot. I quickly washed my hands and left the room but as I was returning to my family, I was teary-eyed. I put on my “tough mask” and got some desserts then went to our table.
Maybe it was just my hormones or maybe I was depressed. I just feel so tired of trying to be tough. I’m tired of pretending that incidents like that don’t affect me. Who would want to be laughed at just because of how they look physically? But I need to be tough for my own good. I need to be tough in order to survive and keep on living. I’m just so goddamn tired of this, that’s all.
Tags: discrimination, fat, feelings, relatives
Sanay na rin ako sa mga ganyan–sa kaso ko naman, yung mga tipo bang di ako seseryosohin dahil sa hitsura ko.
Isipin mo na lang: Leche sila, tatanda rin sila mangungulubot ang mga balat nila.
At oo, kapag kasama ko ang lola ko at mga kamag-anak ko, ako pa rin ang pinakamakisig na prinsipe. :p
Salamat, Ederic
Don’t let them affect you. Ignore them. You know yourself better than they do. Meron din silang weakness, hindi lang natin alam. :tongue: If you are proud and happy of yourself, I’m sure you won’t have to ‘pretend’ to be tough. *hugs*
Sometimes it’s just hard to ignore. And sometimes I am not happy with myself…
I understand how you feel. You know, especially with kids who’d stare, loudly call to you “taba”, “baboy”, “dabyana”, and what else, and then their elders wouldn’t even tell them off because they think it’s just perfectly natural for kids to say such things and that, after all, they’re only “stating a fact”. But, goodness, there’s a difference between “stating a fact” and “ridiculing you with a fact” and it’s quite obvious which of the two that most people are actually doing by calling you those names. I know it’s hard to ignore. We’re not perfect. We can’t be understanding all the time. Sometimes I do let it get to me. But after the feeling, I can tell myself to detach from it. That’s how I do it. Just sharing.
Prudence,
Thanks for sharing and I’m glad you can relate that it’s hard to ignore such comments sometimes. It’s maddening how parents or yayas even encourage such rude remarks sometimes.
I recall an incident, one of many actually. An old lady ( a beggar probably) at a popular mall stared at me from head to foot in disgust. I stared back at her and did the same.
:yuck:
Keep the faith, kiddo.
People sometimes suck is all.
Folks that judge purely on looks will eventually get their just desserts.
Believe me.
Chin up.
~m
Thanks for the replies, guys.