bury me in this dress

I decided it’s time to announce it in public. I only told a few people last week why I would be undergoing a surgery not because I’m embarrassed by it but because I wanted the privacy. Last Thursday, I checked into a hospital because my blood sugar is high. The glucose resistance test the day before showed that I’m at the early stage of diabetes. The doctors need to normalize my blood sugar fast because I would be undergoing a lapband surgery the next day. I underwent many tests but everything quieted down come 10 PM. I was only awake a few minutes when the nurses transported me to the operating room the next morning. I don’t really know what happened during the operating room but my doctor said I was an easy case. I guess that’s good, right? Mom said the nurses wheeled me back to my room around lunch time but I was still asleep then. I was asleep pretty much of the day. Some relatives visited me but I hardly registered their presence.Saturday, Mom just settled the bills and clearances then we were home by 1 PM.

I got the lapband surgery for myself and for my mom. She said she wanted to see me thin before she dies. I had qualms about the surgery for a long time, mostly for my safety. But we found a good doctor who made me feel safe and that’s when I really started to consider getting it done. As I’ve said, I also did this for my own. I’m having difficulties with my weight and not just simple irritation. I can feel it affecting my health. The test results confirmed it and it’s really good that the diabetes was detected at an early stage. However, the surgery itself still has complications. Not so much as gastric bypass but the lapband could slip or perforate, etc. I have to be more careful now with how and what I eat and I am sure I will not always have the patience for that. I’m just praying for patience, self-discipline, and the ability to resist temptation because that’s all I have – prayer…also a thin band around my stomach.

I’ve been resting a lot lately so I don’t go online as much anymore. Being away from the internet made me realize who and what really matters. My family. They will always be there NO MATTER WHAT. I might find them annoying sometimes but they’re the ones I can turn to when I need comforting. My friends, online and offline, I hardly heard anything from. Honestly, this saddens me a lot but because of this, I rediscovered the importance of my family. Most of you guys don’t know me outside the internet but that’s my fault. I need detachment because that’s how I know how to cope. Maybe I should change that and actually befriend some of you. I dunno. To those who’ve I’ve let inside my life, I really value the companionship. It keeps the depression at bay. I guess what I’m saying is I need to spend time outside the internet. I am really at a loss as to how to go about that but I need to do that for myself. I really hope I can do that. The online world has been a crutch for so long.

And with this post I’m reclaiming the real purpose of this blog.