I might be internet-less for a couple a’ days since I’ll be moving on to LA later and my host family might not have net access. If that’s the case, I hope I can convince mom to buy us a laptop so I can go to downtown Burbank for the free wifi. Anyway, I’ll try to make this entry worth out while.

Almost didn’t go out today because mom wanted to spend the whole day trying to fix our belongings in prep for our flight tomorrow. Rose and I were able to convince her to have a day out and go to 17 Mile which is 45 minutes from this place. It was our first time there and we loved it. It’s like a rich white man’s playground with its numerous golf course, hills, and the seaside. The houses were HUGE but I found it too far from civilization. I guess I’m used to the city noise and all the city lights. I wouldn’t want to be stuck there once it gets dark. After Monterey, we headed to Cannery Row which is a really charming town. It has little shops and restaurants right beside the ocean and I think it’s really a tourist spot. It’s a predominantly white area and there were a lot of cute guys. We had dinner at Bubba Gump but that’s nothing new since we have that in the Philippines (sans the cute white guys). I was looking forward to having dessert at Ghirardeli but when we went there, the place was already closed. Super bummer. I guess most of the stores there close at 9 pm so unfortunately for us, we weren’t able to explore the place much. Definitely worth checking out again the next time I’m here.

Another uneventful day here. I woke up late because I had a hard time trying to wake my mind. I guess I got out of bed a little past 1 pm. Took a shower and had lunch and played with the kids here but I took a nap while they were watching the Berenstein Bears. Mom woke me up around 4 because she wanted to go to a grocery since my aunt’s baby ran out of milk. I didn’t bother dressing up or fixing myself. Nobody really cares if you look like crap here. I was just in a really short shorts and a t-shirt and never got any rude stares. I would be a laughing stock if I did that in the Philippines. Anyway, so I drove mom there and we ended up buying quite a lot of stuff we wanted to take back to the Philippines. I really love groceries here because they have everything! There are so many choices. After a $169 bill (mom paid for it), we went back to the house. I was planning to take another nap when my aunt called from the office and told me to dress up because she’s taking us out.

That happened. Sort of. We were supposed to watch a movie but we didn’t. Instead, my aunt shopped for seafood at the Asian grocery while the rest of us went to Factory 2 U store (they sell export over-runs). I saw a lot of clothes my size and they were cheap. I bought 5 pairs of jeans for just $5 each, bras for around $3.99, and shirts for around $4. If I remember correctly, my bill ran up to $79 and that leaves me with exactly $200 (I checked my wallet). After this, we went to Eastridge mall. I don’t know why we bothered because we stayed there for like 10 minutes. Still, I bought 4 bottles of pink hair dyes. That’s $21 which I charged to my debit card.

We went back to the house and Rose cooked the seafood she bought. We were starving because this was already around 10 pm. I didn’t want to go out anymore but the hosts wanted to hang out along Santana Row, a posh place here in San Jose, and drive around with their sparkling new beamer. I’m not into BMW’s so their car didn’t impress me much. If somebody gives me one, I wouldn’t say no to it though. I think we got to Santana Row past 11 pm so the cafes were closing already. They decided to call it a night so we went home after that.

Uneventful day but my entry is still long. Obviously, I still have money problems. I’m trying to figure out how to make the google adsense work. I’m also trying to figure out how to make my $200 last until June 25.

Current time here is 12:30 am

Saturday was a very tiring day. Very.

We spent the morning in Gilroy to shop at the outlet stores. I’ve been there before but I never managed to look around the entire complex. More-so this time. If I was able to see 1/4 of the place when I was there the last time, yesterday I think I only went to 1/8 of it. Maybe even less. The first store we went to was the Coach outlet. My aunt has a thing for brands and I also wanted to get myself some branded items. I guess I overdid it because I got a bag, an ipod case, a wallet, a small pouch, and a jacket for my driver’s license. The bag and wallet, those were necessary purchases since I already planned on getting those to replace my old ones. The others, not really needed but they were on sale. Actually everything was (and still is) on sale since it’s the Memorial Weekend. The ones that really shook my budget are the bag and wallet. I really like them though.

Next stop was the Nordstrom Rack along…I don’t know. Not Gilroy but somewhere nearer to my aunt’s house. I just remember it as the road where the Kinokinuya bookstore is. Anyway, I was able to buy clothes there and a pair of trainers. The most exciting purchase for me there was the Betsey Johnson purse I got less than $50. Great find and my very first Betsey. Mom paid for everything cos I told her I don’t have any cash with me. That’s true by the way. So I guess those purchases are scott’s free purchases and wouldn’t affect my budget.

Last stop but an unexpected one was TJ Maxx. For those unfamiliar, it’s a store which carries marked down items of both brand and non-brand name items. They also sell garden and home decors and some electronics. So anyway, mom and I reluctantly followed my aunt. At first I was planning to just stay in the car but I’m glad I still went because I found 2 pairs of Irregular Choice shoes for only $30 each. They don’t fit my feet so well but what the heck! IC is one of my favorite shoe brands. The first one I bought (from a mall in Thailand) cost me around 4,000 pesos. Now I have three pairs. I only bought the shoes but mom bought me some panties. Hehehe. We were in the store for hours. Most of the time, I just followed mom around or sat on one of the chairs the store is selling. Hey, I have an excuse. My feet were killing me.
So that’s how my Saturday went. Insert meals in between store hopping and that’s it.

Sunday we woke up late. I woke up earlier than mom which is a surprise. I think I was up by 11 am but I just rested in bed until Rose (my aunt) told us to eat and prepare to go out. So I did the bathroom deeds and mom reluctantly rose from bed. We stuffed our faces with KFC not knowing that we will drop by a party afterwards. Rose just wanted to say hello to her in-laws but we ended up eating. Good thing I was so full that I only ate 1 lumpia. We were there for an hour, exchanging pleasantries and shit. After that we headed for our real destination. The boardwalk of Sta. Cruz.

I really didn’t know what to expect about the place since I’ve never been there and never heard of THE boardwalk. It was a long drive from San Jose but very pleasant. We passed by Los Gatos and bought gelatos. Pardon me but I would like to talk a little about Los Gatos. It’s a rich community with little quaint shops. It’s really charming but I would never feel at home there. That’s all. Moving on. When we got to Sta. Cruz, it was packed. We had a hard time finding a parking space but we ended up parking on the wharf itself! Lucky. Anyway, I didn’t bother to bring a coat eventhough it was chilly. The sun was up and there would be a lot of walking. On this boardwalk, there are rides and attractions. We went there of course but mostly just walked and people-watched. I didn’t notice any cute guys but there’s this butch who’s so pale and androgynous. I crush her. hahaha. Enough about her because I will never see her again.

While we were walking, I was just minding my own business when this white guy came up. He just suddenly asked if I smoke. I was a bit startled but I still asked him “why?”. He was muttering something but I forgot what. I told him that I do smoke. He was still saying something while counting his money. I was thinking that he wanted to buy some cigs from me. I don’t know what came over me but I rudely told him “No!” then walked away. Jesus F. Christ! I’m so fucking bad-ass. Fucking social skills. No wonder some people are scared of me. For all I know, that white guy is just dying to smoke even 1 cigarette but I ruined everything. Dementia, you are a loser.

After that, we strolled around some more and I went to the shoreline. The sand is awesome! I loved burying my feet there. I must have been a site while I was walking. An obese girl, in a black top, a long black skirt, black sandals, long black earrings, a loooong strand of black pearls (imitation), black bag, and a black leather enclosed white ipod. If somebody filmed me walking, that scene will belong in a comedic indie film. Or a poignant one. You choose.

We ate dinner there at 9 pm. The sun was just setting. It was colder this time but I got my jacket from the car. We just had dinner at a take-out seafood counter. Forgot the name of the resto. We ate shrimps, calamari, clam chowder, and fries in front of the resto and also in the car on the way back to San Jose.

I think the entry is long. Should I say sorry? Of course not!

Today was much much better. The maid woke me up early because my sister and I were going to be given flu shots. After the shots, I went with mom to her office because we both needed to go to the derma. It turned out that the derma wouldn’t be in until 2:30 pm. I got to boss around mom’s office staff a bit. I needed to global roaming for my cellphone and Smart (where I’m subscribed) was being such a pain. I needed to make a letter of request, deposit some money, etc etc. I told my mom’s secretary to type a letter of request then the driver took care of everything. I didn’t go to Smart at all.

Mom told me to just go home instead of wait all day in the office. So I did. When I got home, I ate some McDonald’s take-out then played with the computer a bit. I also got to watch some DVDs.

Mom went home at 4:30 and she had the driver drop me off to the derma on the way to his errand works. Waiting for the derma was agony. I think I had to wait more than an hour. There was a really cute patient there so it wasn’t that bad. The agony is that I looked like shit during that time. Oh well.

I met up with Jenny there (the derma’s clinic is inside a mall) and yadda yadda yadda. I’m boring you. I’m boring myself so let’s just end this damn entry.

The point is, I had an okay day.

I feel so drained and I don’t know why. I slept well so I should feel rested, right? Is it because of emotional stress? Yeah, seems like it.

My uncle and his family will be leaving for the US tomorrow. It’s sad. I’m sad about it. He’s my favorite uncle and he’ll stay there for good. Unless he gets sick of the US and goes back here. But I don’t really know what’s going to happen to them. I will see them again when I go to the US. I will be leaving the country next week. Only mom and me on this trip but that’s another matter. I don’t want my uncle to leave!

Another thing, my mom won’t let me see a therapist when we’re in the US. She said it’s too expensive. She can afford it but she’s too much of a cheapskate. I, on the other hand, would like to see a therapist there but alas, I don’t have money of my own.

Like usual, I slept most of the day. I think it did me good this time because I woke up much calmer. In fact, I felt okay. Although it was last minute, I went with mom and my sister to Shangri-la to watch the Da Vinci Code. Unfortunately for me, my decision was too late because they bought their tickets this afternoon so when we got to the mall before 10 pm, the seats were sold out. I think I should have stayed home because I became agitated having all those strangers around. I felt naked. Maybe it’s because I didn’t have time to dress up and put my make up on. Maybe it’s because of something else. I don’t know but I felt panicky after awhile. I just took a cab home and here I am again. At least now I feel safe.

It was another day of tears but at least it wasn’t as bad as last night. I’m still very much hurt and doubts are zig-zagging inside my brain. Life goes on, right?

I had a good full body massage hours ago. I needed one because I was so stressed out and tense. The massage did me good and I slept soundly afterwards. I got woken up by loud cat meows so I had to check what was going on. Nothing was wrong but I couldn’t go back to sleep. Hence, here I am.

Mother and I are talking to each other again. Sort of. She started talking to me. She told me to arrange global roaming for our mobile phones and I said I will. No sorries from both parties. No hugs. No anything. That’s how it is in our household. Is this normal with other families? Do tell me cos I really want to know.

The new anti-depressants aren’t working. Well maybe they are but I don’t see much difference. *sigh* Another round of new drugs.