Thais have a place in my heart now. They look like Filipinos but their attitude is much much different. They are friendly, happy-go-lucky, sincere, patient, loving, charming, spiritual, happy, etc. They have pride in their country, culture, and people. They never bothered nor insulted me about my size. I don’t understand their language so there might have been instances of ridicule but I doubt it. I never felt any hostility from them, unlike the crap from my fellow Filipinos. I felt beautiful there. I noticed some whites and Thais eyeing me. I don’t get that reaction here. Now I am back to being ugly and I honestly don’t think I am.

We stayed for 4 days at the Royal Cliff Beach Resort in Pattaya, a 2-hour ride from Bangkok. Pattaya is ugly, it’s like Ermita or Olongapo with its red light district and stinking streets. The resort was a dream though. It’s so huge and beautiful. It’s really an oasis. What made the resort the best for me is the service. The thais really pamper their guests and they do everything with a smile. I also had a superb spa treatment there and it was heaven. Pattaya beach is not much to look at but the hotel’s beachfront is really nice. The resort even has a lift to take the guests down to the beach. I expected the water to be dirty cos it isn’t blue unlike Koh Samui’s but it was surprisingly clean. The sand was fine as well. Also, I didn’t feel embarrassed in my bathing suit.

We stayed at Indra Regent Hotel in Bangkok for 3 days. The service kinda sucked but it’s understandable since it’s a very busy hotel. Mom had us upgrade to a suite on the 2nd day cos the regular room made her uncomfortable. For me, the hotel is so-so but not really a big disappointment after Royal Cliff’s luxury. My only complaint is the thin walls and the very loud flushing of the toilet bowls. Oh, the shops near the hotel aren’t that nice either.

Shopping. We only went to a few suggested places like MBK (didn’t like it. It’s a gigantic Greenhills), Suam Lom Night Bazaar (great but very hot), the divisoria-like eskinita near Indra Regent, Pantik Plaza (for electronics but quite expensive), Central World Plaza (more high end which I liked cos I was able to buy a kick ass Irregular Choice shoes in my size), and the shopping arcade connected to our hotel. I didn’t buy much which I expected even before I left. I saw some nice clothes and shoes which don’t come in my size. The goods are really cheap in Thailand. It’s a shopping heaven for slender people.

Tours. In Pattaya, we went to Sriracha Tiger Zoo (also has crocodiles, elephants, and camels). It was okay except for the smell and the performing animals which broke my heart. Poor dears. In Bangkok, we took the City and Temple tour which was great except that I wasn’t feeling so well. We were supposed to go to 3 temples but I stayed on the bus on the 3rd because my feet were killing me. The temples were absolutely stunning! The government buildings are impressive too!

Feet. After the tour, I decided to try foot reflexology to ease the pain. I went to the massage place near Indra Regent. I chose the 300 baht foot reflexology and it was so great! A guy did the reflexology which surprised me a bit since there were a lot of female masseuse there. I was a bit embarrassed because I kinda felt I was treating Thais badly by making them pamper me. I also felt conscious because I was wearing a skirt (I think the guy saw my panty) and the fact that I have huge feet. I was expecting reflexology to be painful but it wasn’t. It felt really nice especially when they put a mentholated cream on my legs and feet. Things took a bizzare turn when the guy started to massage my upper thighs. I was observing the other customers and I didn’t see them get that massage. I remember thinking during that time that this Thai boy’s turning me on and I haven’t been touched as intimately as that for a long time. After the legs, I thought the session was over so I drank the complimentary hot tea, stood up, and thanked him. The masseuse told me to sit on his short stool though. I was stunned but I eventually sat there. He then massaged my shoulders, back, neck, and temples. I was really stiff since that was so unexpected. Other customers I saw leaving didn’t have that treatment. I was really pleased so when I finally stood up and paid my bill, I gave the boy a 100 baht tip. This incident made me yearn for a special guy who would treat me that nicely. I even cried on the last night because I felt that my special guy might be in Thailand. I also cried because I didn’t want to go back to being ugly again.

So there you have it. My Thailand experience. I have so much things to say right now. Recent developments in my life have left me feeling shattered but I said that my next entry will be about Thailand so I did just that. One step at a time, dementia. One step at a time and everything will be alright.

Me and my family will be travelling to Thailand next week. We’ll stay in Pattaya for 4 days and Bangkok for 3. I’m excited eventhough we won’t be going to Koh Samui. I’ve never been to Thailand but from what I’ve read and heard, it’s really a beautiful place. I have doubts about Pattaya though. From the pictures on the net, the beach doesn’t look clean. And it’s not blue unlike the one in Koh Samui. I think the Philippine counterpart of Pattaya is the beaches in Batangas. Well, I’ll find out next week.

I’ve been in a terrible mood since last week. I think it was triggered when my mom said no to El Nido then Koh Samui. I felt so let down. Sure, that sounds really shallow but I’m emotionaly unstable so I can’t help it. I felt better after the weekend in Highlands but my temper still flares every so often. It’s not pretty but it’s a struggle to control.

Sometimes I wish I don’t have depression. This condition really sucks and it’s totally draining emotionally and physically. I wonder how it would feel like if I never had this. I bet my life would be totally different and I would be more sociable and pleasant. But I have no basis for comparison since I’ve had this since forever. Actually I am not sure if this is JUST depression. I’ve never been tested by a psychologist. I was just diagnosed as a depressive after a nervous breakdown and that was done by a psychiatrist. I’ve been through several shrinks already but all they do is prescribe medications so I think they’re not getting the entire picture. I feel like I have borderline personality disorder and I think I’m a classic case for it. I really need to find myself a psychologist who could diagnose me properly. I also need psychotherapy but I don’t trust the therapists in the Philippines. I went to one before and she said I was shallow. WTF? I thought therapists are supposed to be supportive. That bitch celebrity therapist made me feel more awful about myself. After that session, I never went back to her and I think it’s a smart move.

I am quite upset right now. The reason is shallow but I am a brat. Me and my sister wanted to go to a really nice beach this summer and I suggested to mom that we should all go to El Nido since I’ve been there before and it was a fantastic experience. She told me to ask around how much it would cost her so I contacted El Nido and they gave me a good quote for residents. Mom found it too expensive so she told me to research some other resort in Palawan. I did that too but she still found it expensive. She told me to research on Thai beaches instead. At first I wasn’t in the mood to do that since I don’t know if the beaches there could compare to El Nido. I spent a lot of time online and began to fall in love with the resorts in Koh Samui especially Rocky Resort. My sister was really excited too after seeing the websites of the resorts. We made a presentation to mom the other night and she liked what she saw. She told me to do more research especially on the airfares and how we can get to Koh Samui. I told her the results yesterday afternoon. Me and sis were feeling really high because we thought this would be a sure thing but when mom got home, she said the trip is too expensive. It would have been better if there is a direct flight from Manila to Koh Samui (there isn’t. We have to enter through Bangkok first) but since there isn’t, the Thailand trip is off. I’m just really disappointed about this because I was already imagining myself cavorting in the Koh Samui white sands and having the time of my life. I wish she didn’t tell me to research on this. Now I have to try to get the trip out of my mind and it is just so difficult especially since I am stuck in the insane Philippine summer heat.