bury me in this dress

Everybody loves sex. Some more than others. There are people who are good at it they make is as their profession. There are those who are inexperienced but think about it constantly, fueled by their crazy teenage hormones. Little kids can be also sexual. One mother even told me that her toddler masturbates. Imagine that. The elderly does it too. Not as often as they might want to but I’m sure the libido is still there although I don’t want to think about that. *Shudders*

Sex is a fact of life and copulating is necessary if we want to populate the world. There are countries worried about their future because of declining population. Some governments are even giving incentives to couples who produce children. This doesn’t apply to the Philippines because there are many kids running around here. Too many if you ask me even. But for countries with zero population growth, it’s really worrisome. Their citizens are becoming older or are already old. Their economy might be good but who will inherit their land someday? The younger couples are too busy with their careers. The older generation might have a lot of free time but they have problems in the sex department, like getting it up for instance. Buying Viagra is too embarrassing, especially if their country is very conservative. They might have a better chance by buying discreet generic medicines online, like from Kamagra UK. There’s also the problem of poor digestion and taking the blue pill might give them some problems. Maybe Kamagra Tablets or Oral Jellies can do the job since they come in different flavors and are easier to swallow. If not that, there are alternative medicines which helps erectile dysfunction although that would mean discussing sex (the horror!) with total strangers. If they order through Kamagra, they won’t have that problem since buyers do not need to register so their personal information is safe. The fact that such a medicine was bought won’t even be reflected in credit card statements. It sure is hard to be old. Old people sex is even harder. Maybe old people sexing to have kids is the hardest but it will surely help in such countries. Good thing there are online stores which can help their lives become easier.

Shabby posted this meme in her blog. I wasn’t tagged but I found it cute so I had to do it too.

Handwrite the following things and upload it so your friends can see what your handwriting looks like!

1. name/username
2. left or right handed?
3. favourite letters to write
4. least favourite characters to write
5. write “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.”
6. tag 5 people

Maybe psychology students can draw some information about me through my handwriting. 

Been lazy lately but I finally uploaded my Tagaytay photos to my flickr account. They’re also here in my blog through a nice plugin.

The photos were taken months ago. Some are of Tagaytay Highlands and some from Sonia’s Garden.

Click on photo to get to the album

Chikatime hasn’t updated for ages. I wonder what’s wrong. Does anybody know? Did “powerful” people get to them or are they just being lazy?

Shopping for myself. That’s what I did yesterday afternoon. I went for a quick urinalysis (orders of by OB Gyne) then went to a nearby sale by a factory outlet of Dr. Martens. I was able to find a nice mary janes my size and bought it for 2,200 pesos. Still expensive but Doc Martens are expensive. From there, I went to Robinson’s Galleria because the Smart Wireless Center there is cozier than Shangri-la’s. My Plan 800 expired October last year and since I have no plans of switching, I got their retention plan. Because of the retention plan, I was able to buy a discounted Sony Ericsson P1i for 12,000 pesos. I think the current market value of the unit is 17K so it’s still a good deal. Actually I wasn’t expecting that I will be able to take home the unit today but my papers got processed fast.

Where did I get my money for all these? Since mom began helping me organize the payment of my credit card debts, I was able to save a lot of salary money. I still don’t know how she did it but it’s working great.

So yeah, new phone and new shoes. I’m happy again but how long will that last?

I’ve been emotionally unstable for…I don’t know how long cos it just feels like forever. However, I became more unstable when I attended my cousin’s wedding last Sunday afternoon. I didn’t want to go. I don’t really like weddings because the one that might have really mattered to me became a failed marriage. I also think they’re a waste of time and effort, what with having to get all dolled up even if the spotlight is only pointed at the bride. I had to attend this wedding though. My cousin asked me to take photos of his event because he was asked to write about it for a newspaper and a magazine. So I did go as a favor for him even if I was reluctant.

I expected a grand, lavish wedding so I was surprised at how few guests were in the church. I thought they would have invited more since they could afford to splurge on this momentous occasion but I guess they wanted to have a solemn one. The bride looked stunning in her simple wedding down. The groom, my cousin looked dapper in a black suit. What really mattered is how they looked at each other. The love couldn’t be missed. It’s so obvious in their eyes. The couple cried quite a lot during the ceremony but I didn’t expect that I would have tears in my eyes too.

It was during the exchange of vows. I don’t remember the exact words but what the bride said really twisted my heart. It was beautiful and sincere. She said something about them being travel partners and how they would take care of each other forever, support each other, never leave each other’s sides. I cried because of it was truly touching. I also cried because I know I would not find a person who can be my life partner. I will never be able to make my mother happy with a marriage, my marriage, because I don’t see that ever happening to me. People keep on saying that it will happen to me, that my time will come someday. How can I convince them that even my heart believes it’s a hopeless case? It’s a gut feeling and there’s a finality to it. That I have no other choice but to accept? Maybe my friends and family are just denying this inevitability. Or perhaps they are just trying to comfort me. I know what my future holds though and I cannot be comforted and I don’t really want to. I want everyone to just accept that because I don’t want my marriage to add to the growing list of disappointments because of me.

Marriage isn’t meant for everyone. I want it to be meant for me but it’s not in my genetic makeup. I’m fucked up. I have so many baggages. If I were a product, I’d be damaged goods. Nobody wants someone like that for a life partner. I wouldn’t want me as a life partner even. I could hardly take care of myself so how can I take care of a husband, a family? It will be unfair to him even if I do manage to find someone dumb enough to want to be with me. If ever I get blinded by love and agree to get married, how long will the magic last? 1 year? 2 years? After that, we’ll just be another pair to add to the growing number of separations and divorces. That is not going to happen. I won’t allow it to happen. It doesn’t even look close that something like that will happen because I’m already 30 and there’s no man in my life right now. But why does that make me so sad?

I won’t be in Manila on the 14th but I want to plug this event. You should check out Elemento and Slave Drum.

STIMULI ( Environment Influence Behavior ) electronica + noise + industrial + IDM + experimental + ambient + elektro

A dark and inviting descent through textures that swirl and drift like liquid smoke while ethno-electronic grooves throb with primal urges. This presents an interesting collision of atmospheric sound and rhythmic textures that immerses deep in to the subconcious. Featuring a selection of musician and sound-artists combining essential-organic, electronic, rhythmic and atmospheric elements to create another level of sound listening.

Let us take you there…

Experience a night of experimentation in sound, featuring a diverse line up of performers, ranging from ambient, electro, industrial, tripno beat to noise. With performances from the ethno-industrial band Elemento, the texture driven Blend:er, the southern Ambient trio The Slavedrum, the electro industrial band Decay Transit, Nyabinghi and the throbbing rhythm of Vikno. ALL IN MAY 14TH @ Penguin Cafe, Malate

I got this from a friend who has a friend who has a friend who works for Touch Mobile as customer support. He’s the call center agent who answered. It’s so funny!

PS

If you want to download the mp3, I uploaded it to my mediafire account here.

So I went to my shrink this afternoon because of the worsening depression and some family problems. I was expecting that I will be weeping the entire time I was there. Surprisingly I didn’t because he was really being  ridiculous. I told him about my state of mind lately and about how I’m a big disappointment, etc. His answers were too funny. He said that yes, I may be a disappointment to some people’s eyes but I have my own standards too. I should just accept that people will always be disappointed with me. I’m chill compared to my family of workaholics. I should just accept that I’m “abnormal”. He asked me what I would be doing if I have no pressure from my family. I said that if I have lots of money and absolutely no pressure, I will probably just stay at home and chill and go out sometimes to pursue my hobbies and likes. But since I’m not rich, I want to marry a rich guy. He said that there are a lot of guys out there who are workaholic and wants a  low maintenance wife he can take care of. I told him that I want a hubby who won’t overwhelm me and just let me be free to pursue my interests. He said that guys like that are atypical, like 1 in 100,000. I told him I’m doomed to be a spinster then. Later on, he said maybe I have a chance if I marry a rich Chinese guy since they’re usually workaholic. He suggested that I hang out where those kinds of people usually go to. I have no idea where that is and what their interests usually are. So I asked him. He doesn’t know and only came up with “business”. Sheesh. But what he said cheered me up. He confirmed how abnormal I am and that I’m so different from my family. If I judge myself according to my standards, I wouldn’t be disappointed with myself and he is right. But the idea is so foreign to me since I’m surrounded by a clan of workaholics. We talked about other things and I stayed there for more than an hour. At least I got my money…erm my mother’s money’s worth.

Finding a good webhosting company can be so tedious. I’ve tried 4 already and so far I’m very satisfied with my current one. A few things I’ve learned from my experiences with past hosts: 1) Never buy space from a reseller, 2) Make sure it has 24-hour support, 3) Get monthly or quarterly subscription instead of annually, and 4) If unsatisfied with current host, ask other domain bloggers where they are hosted and if they like it.

I tried free webhosting companies for awhile. I was desperate then. Even if the service is lacking, such sites can be valuable at times. That’s why I’m compiling a list of free webhosting companies, just in case I will need one in the future. Here are some I’ve managed to gather:

1. 000webhost.com - offers 350mb space, 100gb bandwidth, no banners
2. freehostia - 250mb space, 5GB bandwidth, no forced ads
3. atspace - 50mb, 5gb bandwidth, no banners
4. eccentrix - 50mb, 900gb bandwidth

I’ve only tested webhost and that was just for a few weeks. I haven’t tried the other sites. Just always remember to read the fine print. If you know of other free webhosting companies, post the link by commenting here.