bury me in this dress

I’m watching doramas again. I guess that means I feel better. I’ve had Antique Cake Store for quite awhile now. I downloaded episodes 1-3 first but a more interesting drama was released so I kind of lost interest in Antique. The rest of the episodes, 4 to 11, I bought from buruburu so I could complete the series. But I just remembered that I didn’t burn episode 3. I figured I could always download it again but it seems that it’s not available anymore. I didn’t watch that episode back then so erasing it was a stupid thing to do. Now I have no choice but to skip it and watch episode 4. I just hope my CD-Rom doesn’t act up again.

This looks so hot. I want one but I won’t fit into it. I love the design and I think it’s really useful. You could maybe put your ipod, cellphone, and wallet there.

This is scary. Here’s an excerpt of the article.

According to scientists and geologists, the earth’s brittle tectonic plates can be made to move against each other at a faster rate with the use of pulsating electromagnetic flux generated artificially by extraterrestrial or terrestrial human technologies.

The artificial pulsating electromagnetic flux can be generated by either the position of a set of neutron stars or black holes far away in the middle of galaxy or by artificial generation of the pulsating electromagnetic waves.

Many countries are experimenting with pulsating electromagnetic flux to create low intensity tectonic movements or low level superficial land slides.

The earthquake and resulting Tsunami in Sumatra could have been caused by this method. As a matter of fact, between November 2004 and March 2005, the earth saw major earthquakes and Tsunamis that outpaces anything we have seen in modern times.

Gad! I’m so unstable. I’m feeling better now after obsessing over podcasts to listen to. Podcasts are so addicting. I mostly listen to music podcasts but I just discovered a ‘how-to’ podcast and I’ll see if it’s any good. This latest obsession makes me want to have my own podcast. I don’t think doing a solo one is a good idea since I’m sure I’ll just clam up. I want a group podcast and it’ll be a talky. I’ll get Sherwin and the losers to talk. I want it to be natural so I’ll just record our regular banters and insults. It’s possible that people might find it very offensive. We have a sick sense of humor. It’ll be fun to do though. I think this is better than the zine we were planning to do. I really want this to happen but I don’t know how to go about doing it. I also don’t have any equipment for voice recording. Hmmm. I better think about this more.

I’m not feeling so well. I mean emotionally. I don’t know why. I just know that I need some cheering up. Ugh. That sounds pathetic. I really am trying to lift my mood. I look for ways to amuse myself but that’s just not enough. I’ve also lost interest in things. Like watching doramas for instance or reading books. There’s still this huge void inside me and I don’t think it can be fixed. I miss cutting myself because I miss the rush and release it gives me. But I don’t want to start self mutilating myself again because that might lead to suicide ideation. I just want this to stop.

I just found out that the dorama Friends will be shown on GMA 7. I haven’t seen that dorama yet but I don’t want to watch it Tagalog-dubbed. Blech!

Couldn’t sleep (Argh) so I’m reading my blog links. Neil Gaiman thinks that the Philippines is the world’s most enthusiastic country. Cool. And this one is for Louie since we’ve been oo-ing and ahhh-ing over the pen Mr. Gaiman used. I got this from his journal.

The pen I’ve mostly been using is a 1950s Omas flexinib. If you want one like it it’s cheaper to find old flexinib Watermans on eBay. The ink I’ve mostly been using is Mont Blanc Bordeaux I got in Singapore. It’s not my favourite ink (I’m not a big Mont Blanc fan) but it’s a decent colour and I love the bottle design.

That pen sounds expensive. Haha.

Ack! Neil was with Poppy Z. Brite. She’s one of my favorite authors. I like her better than Gaiman in fact. Ack ack ack! She’ll never go here but if she does, I’ll be the first one in line.

Enough about Mr. Gaiman, I actually went out today (technically last night but my days are skewed). I went to a bazaar with mom and I bought some cheap clothes, bagel chips, and oatmeal cookies. Yummy. Then watched ‘Fantastic Four’ with Louie at Gateway Mall. It was my second time at Gateway and it brought a lot of the book signing memories. ‘Fantastic Four’ was amusing. More fun to watch than ‘Batman Begins’ since it had funny moments. But it’s not as deep as the latter if you can call it deep to begin with. I like The Thing because he was such a dear. He had a lot of self-image issues to contend with. Mr Fantastic was disgusting though. He also looks a bit like my nerdy therapist. I don’t really have much of an opinion on the movie as you can see. After the film, Louie and I had late dinner at the food court. I tried Jumbo Japs and found their Teriyaki salty. I think their crunchy Ebi Maki is really good though. Cheap too. Only cost me 79 Pesos. I wanted to drink Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf’s The Ultimate but decided against it because I might have trouble sleeping. Should have gotten it since I’m having sleeping anyway. We left the mall after that and went to my house. I burnt Louie a copy of Long Vacation which I hope she’ll like. My CD burner is slow so it took ages to burn the 7 discs so while doing that we talked and watched TV.

Louie said she likes the way I write and I find this strange. I think my writing sucks. It’s very raw. Sometimes crass. Not organized at all. Also lacks focus. I can never write with flowery words. I’ve tried that and found that it’s just not me. I am not into poetry but more into prose. Tried to write poems before and flopped so decided to stop and basically lost interest. Also tried doing prose but always lost interest in the middle of stories. Too bad since some of them really had promise. I’m self-deprecating yet self-absorbed. Shallow yet have clear insights sometimes. Boring AND endearing which seldom goes hand-in-hand. Louie, you are my only fan. Hurray for that! (laughs)

Man! I need to fix my sleeping habit again. I don’t find sleeping at 6am fun anymore. It messes everything up. I logged off at 3am yesterday, watched some telly, then slept at 5am or 6. At 10am the heat got to me so I woke up and watched more tv. Slept again at 2pm then woke up at 6pm. Fucking messy.

Eh. Not in the best of moods lately. I guess the happy vibe was just a result of the Gaiman experience instead of the medicines. Bummer.

Wide Eyed Workshops will soon conduct online workshops for aspiring Asian writers. WEW is based in Los Angeles and it’s a non-profit organization. Workshops on writing for horror, short films, graphic novels, and sex scenes will be conducted this month but unfortunately for us in the Philippines, we wouldn’t be able to attend them. Animae (a regular poster commenter here) is one of the facilitators and she said that there are plans of putting the classes online. I’m not a writer but I’m really interested in the lessons. Some of you might be better with words so this is a really good opportunity to enhance your skills. Spread the word, guys!

I think my medication is starting to kick in. My new therapist told me to stick with Fluoxetine eventhough I was complaining that Prozac doesn’t work for me. He said maybe I was underprescribed since I was only taking 20mg. before. The upped it to 40mg. a few weeks ago but I still didn’t see any improvement. Last week he told me to try 60mg. eventhough I thought it was too much. I did anyway and I think…well…I feel better. I’m not too sure if this is due to the effect of the medicine or maybe the thrill of the Neil Gaiman event but I’ve been cheerful lately. Also energetic instead of my usual sluggishness. I buy Prodin instead of Prozac since it’s cheaper but I think they’re the same anyway. My doctor told me to go back next week and that we’ll discuss issues about my sister. He said we’ll also need to talk about my mother, my past, and my weight soon. Ugh. That makes me nervous. I don’t want to dig up my past but mostly it’s because I’m scared that I would break down. I’ll put that thought out of my mind now.

I took some stolen shots of the doctor’s office the last time I was there. He he. The place looks really nice but I get dizzy everytime I’m there. I don’t know why that happens but I suspect it’s because of all the trapped energy from his patients’ outbursts. I really feel the room spinning and become a bit disoriented but I think I’m the only patient who feels that.

Since the first day I went there, I noticed that he has a plaster tape on his arm. It’s small but I find it disturbing. Gad! I’m weird but it’s really bothering me. I think of reasons why he wears that tape like does he inject himself with something or if he has a boil under that? Ugh. It’s just a fucking piece of tape like the nurses put after they draw blood from people so why the hell does that disturb me?!

I think my doctor is dopey. He wears this weird shoes like closed-toe Bircks and wears socks with them. He always seem to be thirsty too. He always has a beverage with him. Once it was Gatorade, then Sprite, then something else. I never saw him with water though. He has nerdy-looking glasses too. I just hope he’s really good at what he does because I was only impressed with his insights during the introductory session. The other times, I felt like I could give better advice. But I suppose he’s good since it’s VERY VERY hard to set up an appointment with him.