bury me in this dress

I’m writing this entry in the hope of feeling better. I’ve been feeling depressed lately. Maybe it’s hormones or that my birthday is fast approaching. It could even be due to my biorhythm if it’s really true.

my biorhythm for today

Whatever the cause, I want to snap out of this and be cheerful again. I don’t want to drive away my friends. Believe me, nobody wants to be around depressed people. I think months before I would let myself wallow in misery but I want to believe that I have changed. At least in this aspect. I’m still me. Still a drifter, passionless, directionless, a disappointment to my mother but at least there are changes somehow.

Since I brought up my birthday, I don’t feel like celebrating it since I’m in this mood. Think about it, you shell out a lot of money to feed friends who are (hopefully) happy that you are a part of their lives, but during the celebration, you are thinking 101 ways to kill yourself. It would be better if it’s the other way around, friends spending on you because you are still alive. Unfortunately, it isn’t like that in the Philippines. Bah! I’m hoping that my gloomy mood will lift soon and I will feel like celebrating my birth date.