bury me in this dress

Friday night I met up with Phoebe at Shangri-la so we can dine at Cibo. I miss the food there and I ordered my usual. Telefono with spaghettini and the Crostini with the Spinach dip. Did I spell that correctly? Phoebe ordered her usual as well which is Spaghetti Alfonso (I think). Basta it tasted good. We’re kind of lactose intolerant though and our stomachs were rumbling after the cream-based pastas.

Last night I had another Italian dinner at Amici. It was my first time there and I was surprised that it’s a self-service restaurant. The place was packed but Phoebe and I got a table easily. I forgot what she ordered. I wasn’t able to taste it because she ate it all so fast. That girl has a really big appetite. I got Spaghetti Vongoli something something. Very long name but I didn’t like it much. It also took a loooong time to arrive so I just lapped up the pizza we shared. It was the Al Funghi pizza (my spelling sucks, I know!) and it was really good. I think Amici’s specialty is their pizzas. Jenny caught up with us and we indulged in their toe-curling gelatos and profiteroles. I especially loved the sans rival gelato and ended up buying 1 kilo of it to take home. I think the price is reasonable for P450.

Yummy pizza!

Scrumptious profiteroles

After Amici, we hung out at our usual Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Only Phoebe ordered because Jenny and I were so full but usually I order The Ultimate mocha there. Since I bought that gelato from Amici, I asked the staff if they can store it in their refrigerator and they were so nice enough to accomodate me. We spent hours there just talking about different things. Phoebe showed me her new Sony Ericsson W960i and I’m now more tempted to get one too. We used the free wifi there and their internet was fast. I’m not sure if it’s because of the phone or just the ISP in the cafe. We made plans of going to Fort Ilocandia soon. If I’m going to buy a W960i, I won’t have enough money for the vacation so now I’m having second thoughts about the trip. Is the phone more worth it or Fort Ilocandia which I’ve never been to? We talked about so many things from American Idol contestants (I don’t watch it anymore) to US politics. Fun times. I haven’t gone out for ages because of the damn PCOS so last night was a good catch-up for us three.

I got back from the hospital this afternoon (technically yesterday afternoon since it’s the 16th now). The d and c was successful but I was awake throughout the procedure. The anesthesiologist decided to use spinal anesthesia instead of general anesthesia because he was worried that he’ll have difficulties waking me up. I wanted to be asleep during the d and c and since I wasn’t, I was terrified during most of the procedure. It lasted for like 30 minutes but I felt my OB poking around. Tsk. She sent a piece of me to the pathology lab. I’ll learn the findings on Thursday when I call her.

The anesthesia felt so weird. Well, not weird but more of annoying. It took 2 hours to wear off and I really couldn’t move my legs in the Recovery Room. There was a lady beside me in the RR. I don’t know what procedure they did to her but she began having chills after an hour and was crying the whole time. I felt sorry for her even though I was the one who had terrible chills right after my operation. She was an outpatient and I think she was forced to be confined because of the sudden fever. Poor girl.

I’m recuperating well although I think I caught an infection on my right ovary. It sometimes hurts and the lymph node on my right side of my neck is swollen. I have to rest for a week and not go up and down the stairs. I can’t carry heavy objects too. So I don’t know if I can go out to gimmicks even this weekend. I don’t really mind because I’m beginning to feel normal again.

I went back to my OB Gyne this afternoon. Mom went with me this time. I told the doctor that I’m still bleeding but she gave me the choice of having a D and C (dilation and curettage) or not. I told her I want it done so my period would stop and I wouldn’t have stomach cramps anymore. She informed us that the ultrasound showed a thing uneven lining in my uterus. She doesn’t know what it is but she’ll know when she performs the D and C on me. It might be totally nothing but she wants to totally rule out cancer. I thought I will be confined then and there but she asked me when I wanted to have the operation. I honestly wanted to get this over with today but she suggested Monday instead and I just said yes. I would have to be admitted very early though. And not ingest anything after 2 am that day. According to her the procedure won’t take long and I would be asleep the whole time. At least I don’t have to worry about pain.

I’d be lying if I say that I’m not worried. I am. I’m still scared that it will be painful even if she reassured me that it won’t be. I’m also a bit worried about the ultrasound findings but I was praying for that. I’m insane. I don’t want to talk about it.

This menstrual cycle is driving me insane. I’ve been emotional because of the fucked up hormones. I was even in a terrible crying spell yesterday. But that’s how my life is. PCOS isn’t curable. I already have it bad with clinical depression but the PCOS makes things worse. I actually don’t mind the possible infertility. I can try to ignore the abdominal cramps, heavy and prolonged bleeding, the constipation, insomnia, and other symptoms. But what I hate most about this condition is how it affects my mental state. I really felt myself sinking into depression this cycle. It felt like my anti-depressants were nullified. Hell, to be totally honest, I started cutting myself again. I am really hoping that the D and C will finally make me feel normal again. Come Tuesday, I’ll know if it worked.

I haven’t been well for weeks now. I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and my periods have gone from bad to worse. My OB Gyne gave me medication to stop my period but it’s not working. She said that if it’s still there on Friday I would have to undergo d and c (dilation and curettage). I don’t mind so much. I kinda miss being hospitalized.