bury me in this dress

I consider the time I am with my relatives as the time I’m most myself. Although I don’t spill out my guts to them, tell them my deepest and darkest secrets, nor use expletives in front of them, I still feel like I’m my truest self. No pretentions, no masks, just plain me. Tonight, was my sister and me’s birthday blowout. We invited our close relatives to a buffet dinner at Crowne Plaza Hotel. Some weren’t able to make it and even though that disappointed me, the relatives who were there made up for the others’ absences. I had a good time. We talked about different topics ranging from stock exchange, Rene Saguisag, Hong Kong, Jimmy Kimmel thinking that Filipinos don’t speak/write English, the possibility that my absent cousin might be gay, etc. That’s how we are when we get together.

So when I am with them, my defenses are down. I don’t have to be tough when I’m with them. When I went to the restroom, a young girl and her little sister smirked when they saw me. I ignored them. No. I tried to ignore them but their smirk affected me. I know they were smirking because I’m fat and it hurt. A lot. I quickly washed my hands and left the room but as I was returning to my family, I was teary-eyed. I put on my “tough mask” and got some desserts then went to our table.

Maybe it was just my hormones or maybe I was depressed. I just feel so tired of trying to be tough. I’m tired of pretending that incidents like that don’t affect me. Who would want to be laughed at just because of how they look physically? But I need to be tough for my own good. I need to be tough in order to survive and keep on living. I’m just so goddamn tired of this, that’s all.

I had a short vacation last November 2 to 3 with my family and some relatives.

On the morning of Nov. 2, we visited the graves of dead relations in Binan, Laguna. After that, we had lunch at Rose and Grace in Sta. Rosa. My relatives love eating there cos the food is cheap. I’m tired of Rose and Grace. The food is so-so. After lunch, we went straight to Tagaytay Highlands.

I haven’t been there for more than a year. I thought that there would be something new and interesting there but there isn’t.  Oh, well there’s free wifi there but I left my laptop in the van so I wasn’t able to surf. I just used my sister’s Sony Ericsson P1i (it has WLAN), so I was able to twit some messages.

Around 2PM, we checked into our cottage rooms in Camp Highlands. There’s A/C and cable tv so that’s good. I slept until 5 PM then prepped for dinner.

Dinner was at the Tagaytay Steakhouse. I’ve tried it before but I read a lot of rave reviews about the Steakhouse so I wanted to try again. Maybe I just missed something. I ordered the rib eye but I didn’t like it much. I guess I’m not really into steaks. After dinner, we went to the entrance to wait for the driver. I noticed a familiar face. I was thinking that the guy looks like Ken Zhu of F4. So when the driver arrived, I asked my relatives if the guy was Ken Zhu and mom said it was him. I declared that I want to have a picture him but the van was already moving. I told the driver to go back but when we got to the entrance, Ken was getting in ride. Boo! I wanted a photo with him :(

We went to Starbucks (blech) but the place was packed. We also went to Figaro but it was full as well. It was no use so we just headed back to Highlands.

Back there, we dropped off my aunt at Belleview then the rest of us headed to Cottage Grove. I was tired and grumpy so I just went to our room and showered. I also watched some tv while snacking. When my sister was complaining about the sound cos she couldn’t sleep, I pulled out my laptop and watched Dexter. I slept around 4am.

I woke up early the next day. I think 7:30 am. I ate a quick breakfast then showered and dressed up. There was nothing much to do so I packed up my belongings. Around 10am, my sister woke up so I finally got to watch tv. We all checked out around 12pm.

I thought we would be having lunch in Highlands. I was looking forward to Highlands Bistro. But mom said that some of my relatives were in a hurry to go back to Manila. That made me grumpier. I didn’t partake when they had drive through  Jollibee food.

I think we got home at 2pm. I played with my cats and slept for hours after that.

See, it was really a short vacation and I didn’t enjoy it much especially since I’ve been since since November 1.